I’ve been sitting here for a couple minutes trying to figure out a clever way to start this week’s post. I scanned the Googles for some smart quotes. I racked the ol’ iceberg in my brain for something witty. Nope. At the end of the day, like the picture above shows, this week has been brutal. I read stories about post-Whole30 experiences, but I didn’t really think it would happen to me. Let me set the scene for you…

I woke up last Thursday excited for our trip to NOLA. With everything Kevin and I have had going on the last couple of weeks, with our move and wedding planning, I was excited to finally have a weekend of fun with just the two of us. No senior citizen dogs waking us up any time between 4am-6am. No parents up late asking us to do X, Y, and/or Z. Oh, did I not mention to you that Kevin and I have been living with my parents while we wait for our new home to be ready? Yep. God bless his heart. Kevin has been really patient during this process. We are practically living on top of each other, but we both know we are lucky to have a place to stay while we wait for our new coastal escape to be ready. So, yeah, this vacation was very much anticipated.

Anyways, back to Thursday. I was not kidding last week when I mentioned that I may have a dirty martini at 6am at the airport. I really gave it a once over in my head. Deciding against it, I still ate a “Whole30 Compliant Breakfast.” I was about to get on a plane, in a middle seat, for about 5 hours. After reading the horror stories of post-Whole30 lives, I figured 7 more hours wouldn’t kill me. Once we were on the plane, I had 1 Bloody Mary and lots of water. I am just as surprised as you are. I was pretty much on a flying bar for 5 hours and thats all I consumed. I am such an adult. Metaphorical pat on the back.

It all went downhill from there. First meal in NOLA, I went with seafood. Even though it was not described that way on the menu, it was all fried on a bed of, no not lettuce, french fries. That was the moment I realized that this was going to be harder than had I originally thought. My initial NOLA Attack Plan was to eat seafood and partake in some non-sugary adult beverages after I got a lot of water into this body of mine. NOLA ripped up my NOLA Attack Plan and threw it out the window and screamed, “OH, ITS ON!”

No matter where I tried to hide or what choice I tried to make, NOLA had other plans. It went a little something like this: “Excuse me barkeep, can I have a Cucumber Cooler?” Sugar explosion. “Excuse me sir, can I have this champagne cocktail?” Sugar explosion. “Oh you say there is NO line for beignets at Cafe Du Monde? I’ll take two.” Powdered sugar explosion. I tried to out run the sugar apocalypse like I was on The Walking Dead . It didn’t matter where I ran or what corners I took. It always found me. By the time we got to dinner, all I ate was a salad and oysters because I was tired of running. Cut to the waitress walking up to our table, post dinner, with a free dessert. I give up. ::white flag waving in the air::.

The next day I felt like a 4×4 had run me over. Yes, I admit, I am one of those people that gets a hangover from one sip of wine, while Kevin drinks an entire bottle and gets up the next day chipper and ready for an impromptu tennis match. At those moments, I dislike him very much. Yet this hangover was unlike any I have ever experienced before. Most of the time some Taco Bell, a nap, and a shower usually cures the worst of it. Not this time. I politely asked Kevin if he would leave the hotel room for an hour, I had some work to do. After some alone time that I am not proud of, at least the nausea was gone. Then all I was left with was the tiredness, anxiety, and out of body experiences.

The rest of the trip I felt like I had the flu. My entire body was in a weird place. I was constantly in a fog, no matter how much sleep I got or water I took in. It felt weird to walk, but then I would get tired of sitting. I was in bad shape. Once I was home and back in the land of No Fried Foods and Sugar Explosions, I gladly jumped back into my next phase of Whole30 without even giving it a second thought. I am on Day 5, and today is the first day I didn’t wakeup with a splitting headache.

Word to the wise, if you are going to give the Whole30 a try, don’t jump into the non-compliant foods head first with a NOLA grenade in your hand, or expect to reap the consequences. Your body will metaphorically feel like its been ripped apart.

This week got me thinking about this entire fight you’ve taken on with me as my coach in the corner. I’d like to sum these thoughts up with a parallel between this experience and the longest running medical show ever, Grey’s Anatomy.. As the last person on this earth that still watches Grey’s Anatomy, there was something that really resonated with me on last weeks episode. It was all about Amelia Sheppard, and her relationship with her family. At least those that are still alive, because everyone that works at that hospital is cursed. If you don’t know anything about her character, and I am going to guess 100% of you don’t, she had a troubled past. She was always trying to live up to expectations of her family full of brainiac doctors, including her brother Derek Shepard (McDreamy, for those old school watchers), and she felt that pressure. She was a drug addict in her teenage years, and constantly screwing up from there even after she got clean and sober. At the dramatic ending to the show, she sat with her mother on a park bench in, what I can only imagine was, Central Park. Her mother explained to her why she was special. All her sisters and brothers strived to do was be perfect every day, but she was the only one that didn’t care about failing. She always got right back up, grabbed life by the balls, and tried again. I can relate to that. As you can tell from the last 8 months, I have failed, but I will always get back up, grab this fight by the balls, and try again.

*A couple notes: First, the picture above is a one that I sent to my Tribe post-hour alone while in our hotel room in NOLA. I did not feel pretty. Second, there will be no weight and measurements until I am done with my personal Whole21. I want to do it right and really see how my body and my mind feel without the constant check in.

See you on the other side…

Song of the Day: “Out of the Woods” by Taylor Swift

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods?
Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet?
Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet, good