BRING ME ALL THE CARBS, ALCOHOL, DAIRY, LEGUMES, AND SUGAR!

This concludes my personal 34 days on the Whole30 Diet. I guess the Whole34 Diet since I went 34 days. I can say, in all honesty, I was 95% true to the rules of the diet. The 5% I am leaving open for when we went out to dinner and I couldn’t literally ask what every ingredient was that the chef used to make the salad dressing. Restaurants in the area may start to think I was planted there by a competitor to steal their magic sauce, and I take my dining out very seriously. I can say, without a doubt, that I never cheated on purpose or negligently.

On Sunday, when I was on Day 30, I had a conversation with my Doctor’s Nutritionist. First question, point blank, was “What are you craving right now?” Before I could even think about it the words “Dirty Martini” slipped out of my mouth like the ghost of my Nonni was using my body as a vehicle. I then asked if she would judge me if, when at the airport on Thursday around 6AM, I ordered a pre-flight dirty martini would she judge me. She responded “Nope.” OK, I like this one.

She asked me what the 2nd thing was I missed the most. That was also an easy answer, cheese. So she said that on Day 31, because she knew I wanted to go until Day 34, to add cheese into my dinner and see how I felt. Living the motto “go big or go home,” for dinner I ordered a double cheeseburger, no bun of course, with bacon and avocado. Most restaurants I’ve been to during the last 30 days, when I ordered a bunless burger, would bring me a 1/4 inch thin patty of sadness. So if I was given the green light for cheese, I was going to do it right with 2 patties. Step aside hamburgers for weenies. We tried a new local burger joint and this place is not for the faint of heart when it comes to hamburgers. I would call what I attempted to consume more of a Double Cheeseburger Meatloaf. I barely made it through half of it and I did not even put a sizable dent in the sweet potato fries I also ordered. Go ahead, be ashamed at my efforts.

Now that I got you hungry, hot and bothered, you may be wondering “what were her final results?” I would say it was a success. Here are the stats:

• Day 1: March 9th, 2019
• • Weight: 162 LBs
• • Chest: 36.5″
• • Under Chest: 30″
• • Belly Button: 32″
• • Largest Part of Hips (Below Belly Button): 38″
• • Largest Part of Butt: 41.75″

• Day 34: April 11, 2019:
• • Weight: 151.4 LBs
• • Chest: 36″
• • Under Chest: 30″
• • Belly Button: 31.5″
• • Largest Part of Hips (Below Belly Button): 37.5″
• • Largest Part of Butt: 41″

TOTAL WEIGHT LOST: 10.6LBs

TOTAL INCHES LOST: -2.25″

Here is my general review on the Whole30. First, and foremost, it is not a sustainable lifestyle, but I don’t think they make it out to be something that you should or can sustain. I do think its more of a good restart, as I stated at the start of this Whole30 process. It gets you into the rhythm of a restricted diet. If you can spend 30 days without MANY different types of food, then you can move forward with a diet of less different types of food, meaning a life without one or two of the “no no” categories. I am not sure which categories that will be for me, because I won’t be able to do the “Reintroduction Period” that the Whole30 calls for once you are done with the 30 days. I, fortunately, we will be leaving for NOLA on the 35th day. Bring on the beignets. Sadly, I have been asked that, when I return next week, to restart the Whole30 (Whole21?) so that can conclude with the “Reintroduction Period.” At first I whined like my Mom had just sent me to my room to do my homework. Then I realized, I made it through 34 days fine. 21 days is much shorter. Plus, I feel great. I have energy, my stomach doesn’t feel like its going to explode, and, best part, I am losing weight. Who doesn’t want to lose weight after 4 days in the South? So back at it on April 15th.

Week after week, I did notice that a lot of my weight seemed to come off the most prominent areas of my body, the booty and hips. I do find it funny (and frustrating) that I didn’t lose much in the chest area. I’ve read on countless websites that the first thing to go on a diet is usually the boobs, I, being the exception to this rule, did not and would like to, a lot. Look, my faithful readers who may feel not blessed because of the small size of their chest, but the grass is greener on the other side. You don’t know what I would give to wear backless dresses and outfits where a bra is not the first requirement. I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of boob sweat that accumulates on a warm summer’s day, or a humid trip to NOLA. Don’t worry, I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. I am happy that I shed some inches during this process no matter where it came from… because God knows, I needed it.

Another important factor is that I continued to do a couple things that I have established as part of my daily routine into the Whole30. I continued to drink at least 90oz of water a day. I also continued to workout at last 4-5 days a week. I do think making sure to exercise is an important factor, but I don’t think its necessary to lose weight. I did some some weight loss on the weekends when I didn’t get my heart rate up. If you are going to really commit yourself to this restricted diet, why not go all out and also step up your exercise routine? Hopefully this is the only time in your life you will have to do this…. unless you are like me and want to torture yourself with another round.

I’d also like to get out some frustrations about the information out there on the process your body goes through during the Whole30. Simpler, the lack of guides of what to expect week to week. There is a rule in Whole30, don’t weight yourself at all. You know what I say about rules? They are meant to be broken (State of California, please don’t take my law license away from me for saying that). I continued to weigh myself every day, as I have for the last 8 months. I wanted to know EVERYTHING I could about this process so that I could better inform you all, who may be thinking about doing the same. So here is a week by week guide on my weight and thoughts:

• WEEK 1: BYE BYE WATER WEIGHT WEEK
• • 9TH, Day 1: 162
• • 10TH, Day 2: 160.4
• • 11TH, Day 3: 158.2
• • 12TH, Day 4: 157.8
• • 13TH, Day 5: 156.6
• • 14TH, Day 6: 156.6
• • 15TH, Day 7: DOH! Forgot. Give a girl a break, you see the list of things I had to avoid during this diet!
• WEEK 2: POOP WEEK
• • 16H, Day 8: 155.4
• • 17TH, Day 9: 156.2
• • 18TH, Day 10: 156.4
• • 19TH, Day 11: 156.2
• • 20TH, Day 12: 156.2
• • 21ST, Day 13: 156.4
• • 22ND, Day 14: 156.6
• WEEK 3: COMFORTABLE WEEK
• • 23RD, Day 15: 155.2
• • 24TH, Day 16: 155.2
• • 25TH, Day 17: 155.8
• • 26TH, Day 18: 155.6
• • 27TH, Day 19: 154.6
• • 28TH, Day 20: 154.6
• • 29TH, Day 21: 154.4
• WEEK 4: ARE WE THERE YET WEEK
• • 30TH, Day 22: 153.2
• • 31ST, Day 23: 151.8
• • 1ST, Day 24: 153.4
• • 2ND, Day 25: 154
• • 3RD, Day 26: 153.4
• • 4TH, Day 27: 152.2
• • 5TH, Day 28: 152.2
• WEEK 5: READY FOR NOLA WEEK
• • 6TH, Day 29: 152.8
• • 7TH, Day 30: 152.8
• • 8TH, Day 31: 152.8
• • 9TH, Day 32: 152.2
• • 10TH, Day 33: 150.8
• • 11th, Day 34: 151.4
    

So week after week, with the exception of Day 23 versus Day 30, I was down in weight. Each week, again with the exception of the first week, I consistently lost (at least,)2LBS. This is not sustainable weight loss. For me, 1LB a week is sustainable. You know the drill, you lose 10LBs on a crash diet, then, once you are done, you gain 15LBs. That is what I am hoping to avoid like crop tops. Although I am OK with coming back and doing 21 days, post trip, I do not want to do another whole 30 (huh, see what I did there?) days in my future.

Now, pass that beignet and dirty martini before I bite someone’s head off.

Song of the Day: “Warrior” by Demi Lovato

Now I’m a warrior
Now I’ve got thicker skin
I’m a warrior
I’m stronger than I’ve ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can’t get in
I’m a warrior
And you can never hurt me again.