I couldn’t be in a more reflective and beautiful location right now. Check in- on the porch of the lake house my family rents every late summer (with another close family) writing today’s post. Its so calming here its hard not to reflect on why I am here and who I am here with. This is one of the only vacations each year where it is just my immediate family- parents, brother, his wife and 2 adorable little girls, and my boyfriend… oh and Luna, the family dog. Its a great weekend full of laughs, waterskiing, boat life, BBQing, expensive wine, not so expensive beer… you get the picture. All this lake reflection got me thinkin’ about family and how they help, or can help, through this fight…
Family. The friends we are lucky enough to have throughout our entire lives. Whether its your siblings, close cousins, parents, etc., it doesn’t matter. They are the friends that you don’t necessarily choose but are stuck with through the ends of time. I am not using the term “stuck” in a bad way, because for better or for worse we have each other. Plus, they are also stuck with me. I have an older brother who I am not particularly close with on account that I’ve always wanted to be the center of attention and he never stood a chance when I am singing at the top of my lungs “you have your looks, your pretty face, but don’t underestimate the importance of BOOODY LANGUAGE” (shout out to “The Little Mermaid”) as a 6 year old. Where my relationship with my brother may fall short, I am close with his wife and my cousin. They are both like two much older sisters to me. Wink wink. Okay, my sister in law is only 3 weeks older than me, but those are LONG weeks.
Many of you who know me well also know that I am very close to my Mom. Mama B. Kelley Anne. We are close almost to a fault. I know it may sound cliche but its always been like that. Even my friends have come to realize the great utility of her. A friend of mine from law school has nicknamed her “The Wolf” because it doesn’t matter if its a dead hooker you need to get rid of OR the way to make a perfect, golden pie crust, the Wolf has the answer. I get the extreme-ness of those examples, and yes it does make me wonder why I am friends from law school that need to get rid of a dead hooker and 1) didn’t listen in Criminal Law well enough or 2) why in the world are they even around hookers? – but I guess thats a discussion for another day, another time. What that example does show is that I have come to depend on my Mom because she is a wealth of knowledge and happy to share in even the worst of times (this is also an idea I have for a book one day. You know you are excited to read the dead hooker chapter).
The one thing my Mom doesn’t do well, and I have a feeling this is the same for most mothers, she doesn’t want to cause any sadness (an excuse she recently gave me for why she doesn’t like to read this blog). As a result, more often than not she will delay or avoid giving me information that will make me sad. I have seen this in many different aspects throughout life. For example my Mom waited until I finished finals in high school to tell me that Dirty Gerty, our great aunt that lived with us for most of my life, passed away so that it didn’t effect my grades senior year.
A more recent example is when I decided to hack off a lot of my long, brown hair. I’ve always had long hair, its kind of my thang (along with my eyebrows). I also have a lot of friends with very luxurious and thick long hair that I am very envious of. There is an instance in particular that sticks out like a sore thumb. It was about 5-6 years back and I was at Disneyland with a group of friends. A close girlfriend of mine, Claudia, had just gotten off a ride and its like the speed of real life went into slow-mo. She flipped her beautiful dark hair and her perfect beach waves around like she was auditioning to be the hottie in a spy film when they take off their motorcycle helmet. Then the world went back into regular speed. I, duh, tried to do that same thing, but instead I had a HUGE knot in the back of my hair. Embarrassed by my lack of suave-ness, I rushed to the bathroom and used my mini purse brush to brush out the huge mound. So as soon as I got home I made an appointment to chop the mound off. When I showed up to my parents my Mom said, and I quote, “Wow, I really like your haircut. I always felt like you were hiding behind your long hair.” Its imprinted in my brain, ya’ll. Cut to current day, and my Mom goes back on her word and admits that was not the truth. She didn’t like it at all. I also instantly gained 20LBS that year so the short hair and the 20LBS didn’t help.
So Mom, if you are reading this, we need to talk…
Why can’t the person who can get rid of a dead hooker not tell their daughter the truth? We all need someone, preferably someone we think of as family, that can tell us the gosh darn, ugly truth. If no one tells us, then its a year down the road and we have blue hair that our person told us made us “festive” but really made us look unprofessional and we now live on the streets because we can’t think of why our law practice can’t make any money. WHY GOD WHY? WHAT DID I DO WRONG? Wow, I let that get away from me for a second… What I am trying to say is that the delay in the news causes us to get so far down the road that it takes us even longer to get back to where we were before. Everyone knows that its harder to take off weight than it is to put on. Much harder. I can ruin a year of hard work in weeks.
Let this be a public service announcement… Tell me. Tell your person. Maybe its not the news that hurts, but the approach. Stop telling me that muscle weighs more than fat. Tell me straight to my face- “Honey Boo Boo Child, it does seem like whatever you are doing isn’t working as well as you want. It does seem like the rump is going outwards instead of inwards and upwards.” You don’t have to tell me, point blank, “girl you fat” – don’t be like Grandma after a bottle of Chard. But you need to tell me before I no longer have a handle on it.
Here is my call to action to all you readers. If you can relate to what I am talking about, no matter if its your fight with weight loss or something else, designate your person. Sit them down and tell them that they are an important role in this fight with you. They are your coach in the corner of the boxing ring with the towel, shoulder rubs, and water bottle with the funny long straw. Don’t be mean about it, be helpful and constructive. Tell me when something isn’t working, but also make sure that later you balance it when something is working. When you are at this point in your life and feel like plain old crap, we are blind. We are lost. Help guide us. We don’t expect you to have the answers, but we do expect you to use your God given eyes and tell us. You can see.
Sorry Mom, but if you try to ignore what I am doing right now because it makes you feel bad know that I feel even worse and help. Don’t hide.
WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.8LBS, Chest 37, Under Boob 30.25, Belly Button 33, Below Hips 38.75, Largest Part of Butt 42.
SONG OF THE WEEK: “Wild World” by Cat Stevens
Oh baby baby it’s a wild world
It’s hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it’s a wild world
I’ll always remember you like a child, girl
You know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do,
And it’s breaking my heart in two,
‘Cause I never want to see you sad girl,
Don’t be a bad girl.