My Apology

I had an entire blog post set up and ready to go, but I had to scrap it.  I crinkled up that piece of paper and threw it into the trash of other scrapped rants.    Not going to lie, but I am a little frustrated at the moment, with hints of despair.  Right now I feel like I have not only let myself down, but let some of you down.  The feeling of letting a friend down is so much worse than just having myself to live up to.  This 2nd blogiversary did not end like I wanted it to end.  Last week things were looking on track. I was dusting off the ol’ gold star stickers from elementary school, but I might have put the cart before the horse and got too cocky.  Here I was all ready to post about fruit, vegetables, and eating in moderation, when just until recently I wasn’t doing anything in moderation.  I guess its true….Those that can’t, teach, or blog.

This is a new feeling- the feeling of letting others down.  I am trying to make myself an inspiration to others that feel the same way as I do, and I screwed it up.  I don’t like to disappoint, but what I lack in self control I make up for in backbone.  I will always be the first to admit when I did something wrong and apologize.  So, here it is- My Apology.

I am sorry.

Plain and simple.  Three short words that are packed with so much meaning. I also know you can’t just say “I am sorry” without knowing what you did that was wrong. In light of that…

I am sorry for getting cocky which resulted with me getting clumsy with my fight.  As I’ve said before, I am a planner who plans to plan.  So there was, and is, a plan to come out of this fight with a big “W” and all of the gold star stickers…

MY “KICK WEIGHT LOSS IN THE ASS” PLAN

  1. Upon wake up weigh yourself to help reflect the events of the previous day;
  2. Drink 16 oz of water before you put anything else in your body;
  3. Drink at least 100 oz of water in one day;
  4. Track anything and everything you put in your mouth for consumption;
  5. Carbs are your Brunch Buddies, but avoid carbs like your friend who gets sloppy drunk around sunset;
  6. Drink a glass of water when you find yourself hungry to make sure you really are in fact hungry;
  7. Workout. Like a lot. And hard.  Make it count; and
  8. Drink alcohol only one night/time/event a week, but stay away from wine (too much sugar- makes me bloat).

And done. Easy peasy.  As the time went on, I started to see a pound here and there each week shed off. Then, BAM. I got derailed from my perfectly put together plan.  Little by little instead of the pounds, my plan started to shed.  As of this last Monday I had gained 5 LBS from Friday, drank two days that weekend, didn’t track my food consumption from the weekend, ate carbs after lunch, and snacked without drinking my water.  So there it is.  My stumble.  I Paula Abdul’d this diet and took three steps forward and two step back.

Another thing that is very discouraging is knowing how hard I worked physically this month and knowing that this may be how hard I’ll have to work for the rest of my life to NOT gain weight. And listen to me carefully here. I am not saying that’s how hard I’ll have to work to LOSE weight, but rather how hard I’ll probably have to work to NOT GAIN weight. Makes me want to beat up the spokesperson for Walk Shop who always says “walk 10,000 steps a day for the rest of your life and never gain a pound.” Lies! You sit on a throne of lies!

Right now I am at an important crossroad in this beautiful fight.  I have two weekends away in a row starting today.  This is going to be a big test for me and my commitment to myself.  Do I drown further in this misery or do I pick myself up, dust myself off, grab my tracking book and 30 oz water bottle, and get this shit back on track?  I don’t consider myself one to really just give up so easily……So “Shit Back on Track” option it is.

I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.  There are going to be setbacks.  I am not perfect.  You are not perfect.  We have to all recognize that.  If it was easy, this wouldn’t be a fight and everyone would have the body of Khloe Kardashian post Lamar Odom break up.  This isn’t for the weak, this is a fight for the strong.  I will be strong even when I get punched.  Will you?

I will end, as I always end my weekly posts, with a call to action, but this time this call to action is for me.  Self, you will not give up on this fight.  You are going to drink that 100 oz of water and get back into the ring and kick this weight loss’ butt.  Now.

And thank God I see the thyroid doctor on Monday.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.4 LBS, Chest 36.75, Under Boob 30, Belly Button 32.5, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 41.75.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “You’ll Be Okay” by Great Big World

You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
The sun will rise
To better days
And change will come
It’s on it’s way
Just close your eyes
And let it rain
‘Cause you’re never alone
And I will always be there
You just carry on
You will understand
You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
Just look inside
You know the way
Let it go
Fly away
And say goodbye
To yesterday

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