Thank-Full Heart

In the spirit of this Thanksgiving holiday, all week I’ve been posting on my Instagram (shameless social media brag in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….@miabellalotta) what I am thankful for. On this blog I’ve spoken about many of the subjects of these “thankful” post- family, friends, my health, but there is one very important subject of my life that I’ve kept kind of quiet. At first it was because I’ve wanted to hold it close and dear for me only…. but when you’ve posted your weight and measurements weekly for the world to see, is anything really left to be private? Probably not.

Without further adieu, the person that I am most thankful for is the love of my life, my lobster, my partner, my person, and my roommate- Kevin.  I used to hate when people said that they finally found their “other half” because I believed that when you finally give yourself to someone wholly you should also feel that you are whole.  How could someone else love who you are if you didn’t love yourself enough to think of yourself as a whole person?  Then I met Kevin and figured out what that meant.

When I first started this blog, I made the decision to not really talk about Kevin simply because he is a very private person.  This is one of my favorite parts about him.  Yes, I may every now and then crack a joke about him, but besides that I haven’t given up much information about him or our relationship.  Kevin isn’t one to post a lot on social media, talk about himself, or really make a lot of noise in general. Clearly, I hold the position of the loud person in our relationship and with great pride. If you looked up “the strong and silent type” there would be a picture of Kevin. He’s an old soul, and he’s my old soul. I’m pretty darn lucky, if I do say so myself.

It’s kind of funny that over the last three months I haven’t really mentioned much about him, especially since he is the one that has been second to most affected by my fight- and he’s never once complained.  Every single time I’ve said “honey we need to reschedule dinner with so and so” he doesn’t even miss a beat and understands. When I have a crappy day caused by a bad weigh in, he reminds me I am beautiful and that he thinks I am perfect. He understands when I get home late because my usual schedule is messed up and I just have to fit that daily workout in, he just picks up where I slack and feeds and walks the girls (our dogs). Once my Mom asked him if he’d love me if I was 500LBs? His answer….. 400 LBs would be his limit (smart ass).  In his little ways he’s been so supportive even when this fight has been disruptive to our usual way of life- and he’s made me laugh in the process. I couldn’t ask for a better half.

Kevin and I met back in 2008 back when we were both very different people. Although at first our relationship didn’t stick because of life events, when we did come back into each other’s lives almost 6 years later we had both become very different people. It was finally the right time for the both of us. I don’t think either of us had the maturity in 2008 to handle the type of relationship we were meant to be. I thank the time apart to grow up to make us the human beings we needed to become to fit together, and be each other’s halves.

We had both been in relationships in between our 2008 and 2014 meetings, but, at least I can speak from my experience, no relationship before Kevin supported me the way Kevin does.  I pretty much put my life on blast daily, weekly, and, even though that isn’t his cup of tea, when I ask him to take a ridiculous picture of me it only comes with 1-2 jokes. He will happily click away. Wow, did the “click” part of that sentence just date me pre-iPhones? Hours before he proposed to me I was making him take photos of me in Central Park, and he even thought in those moments “Wow I’m gonna marry that girl” and he proposed that night! Right? All the feels.

Kevin and I have very different road maps that make up our bodies.  Kevin comes from a small family where every thing didn’t revolve around food and big meals.  I come from a large, loud family where everything revolves around food and big, big meals.  My Mom is a fantastic cook.  She even used to have her own catering business with her best friend, Jan.  The two of them could out cook any James Beard awarded chef.  Have you tried their bacon wrapped shrimp?  I know the recipe and its for sale… kidding. I will die with it as promised.  The picture I am trying to paint in your mind is a large table full of family, but completely outweighed by the amount of food that could collapse the table from the weight.  That was/is my life.

Besides our family food priorities, both of our genetic make ups are completely different.  My family is Italian.  Kevin is Eastern European and Norwegian.  I’ve said before that if Kevin goes for 1 run a month, he is good. I, on the other hand, miss one day a month and I gain 2LBs.  Every person’s body chemistry is different, and he won the genetic lottery in metabolism.  Awhile back, before I started this whole crazy blog, I had a moment where I felt down not only about where I was in life (I am someone who needs forward momentum to feel like I have accomplished something- hence my weekly weigh ins), but also about myself wholly.   Kevin and I had a long talk about how I was feeling. I talked about where I was, weight wise, when we first met about 3 1/2 years before, versus where I was at that moment and how I was unhappy.  When we first started dating we went through a bottle of wine, each, every night.  I had to explain to Kevin the bottles of wine are more than likely why I had gained 20LBs since we started dating.  This was something foreign to him.  After that talk, he seemed to understand what I was going through, internally. Six months later, the lightbulb really went off when he found me in bed ugly, Kim Kardashian crying.  Since then, he has been nothing but a fantastic partner in my corner of this fight.

So I need to thank you, Kevin, for everything.  Thank you for helping me, supporting me, guiding me, picking me up, letting me cry, and reminding me not to over order at restaurants or to order dessert.   You’ve seen first hand the feelings I had that morning back in August when I laid in bed and cried from disappointment.  You seemed so defeated when you didn’t know what had happened to break my heart like that, and maybe even more defeated when you realized the cause of the cry was outside of your control.  I know that wasn’t easy, but thank you for giving me a hug and telling me you loved me, no matter what.

And in exactly 365 days I will become his wife and I am so dang excited I can hardly control myself- especially around cake.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: Last night was Thanksgiving, I’m not a monster.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Baby Hold On” by Dixie Chicks

Baby, it’s good to see you smile again
I know we can’t escape
So let’s pretend
We’re someplace else
It’s a new day
Let’s look at all we’ve got
It’s everything we thought
We ever wanted
It’s beautiful
Let’s start this over
(Baby, hold on)
We’re not much older now
(Baby, hold on)
If you still see what I see
Keep holding on
Hold on to me
 

Beautiful Photography by Tiffany Zabala Photography

 

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