Rock Bottom.

Hi, I’m Laura and I weigh 163.2LBS as of this morning at 7:00 AM PST.  Barf.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten the crying, the self-shaming, and the disappointment out of the way, I want to take action.  Why is it that it always takes “rock bottom” to make a change?  Why can’t we anticipate that we don’t like the feeling I had this morning at 7:00AM when I stepped on that scale and my heart sank?  Why did it take the feeling of praying as I stepped on that scale in my nudes thinking “please be under 159LBS.. please be under 159LBS…” for me to finally take a step? I can’t answer that, but I hope through this “blog therapy” I will find any answer.

So here I am.  I am am dressed now, but I am going to be in my emotional nudes and be very vulnerable.  This is going to be MY accountability blog.  The purpose of this blog is to make sure that I never have the feeling I had at 7:00AM on Friday, August 17th, 2018 again.  I will be accountable for myself, and hopefully you will find inspiration through my stories, my struggles, my highs, my lows, my middle days to also be accountable for yourself and your actions.

I am 5’4, 35 years old, no kids, and no major health issues.  I work as an attorney for my family, but I have a good life/work balance.  I don’t over eat, but trust me I have my moments.  I work out 5-6 days a week between working with my trainer, OrangeTheory, Spin, and other activities.  So why in the world did I gain 4LBS in two weeks?  Like most, I constantly struggle every day, every week to lose a pound.  Just one motherlovin’ pound. Look I know I come from Italian stock and its not going to be easy. I also make it harder on myself by surrounding myself with beautiful, fit, less shapely people and constantly compare myself to them physically, and to their actions.  I think, “well she can have that piece of pizza on a Monday night, I can too!” Then my weekly Friday weight in and measurement day comes along, and GROSS.  Done.

Don’t get me wrong I know I am a very lucky woman and don’t want you to feel sorry for me.  I wouldn’t feel sorry for me.  I Just hope you can relate to me.  I am healthy.  I have the best of friends a girl could ask for.  I have a loving and supportive family.  I have a hot boyfriend who loves me unconditionally.  I have all my limbs, and they basically still work.  I consider myself to be a pretty person.  I am a pretty clever, witty person.  I passed the California State Bar on my first attempt- But, for the love of God, why in the world do I constantly struggle with my weight?  In the last year and a half I have bounced between 144LBS and 163.2LBS.  That is a huge swing.  Man, I am not good with math, but that is quite a range to bounce between.

So here is my commitment to you all.  Every Friday after my weight in and measurements, I will write to you.  I will be 100% committed to telling you the truth about my struggle- Mia Bella Lotta (“my beautiful fight”).

Friday, August 17th, 2018

Weight: 163.2

Chest: 37.5 INCHES

Under Boobs: 31 INCHES

Belly Button: 33.5 INCHES

Below Hips: 39 INCHES

Largest Part of Butt: 42.25 INCHES

Song of the Day: “She Used to be Mine” on the Waitress Soundtrack.

She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine