Whiskey for my Women

A famous author once said, “Some people arrive and make such a beautiful impact on your life, you can barely remember what life was like without them.”  This gives me all the feels because I couldn’t relate to this more.  I have been blessed in so many ways in my life, but the one blessing I hold most dear are my friendships.  Whether its with my family, or friends I’ve know since I was a young girl, or friends I just met- my friendships are my most valued assets. They’re the first things I’d grab in a fire.

Throughout the written chapters in my life I have had many supporting characters there to encourage me and my crazy choices. They are the strong ones when I am weak. They are the comedian when I need a good laugh. This past weekend couldn’t have been a better example of my friendship wealth. I went away for a good ol’ fashioned girls’ weekend with two close friends- one I have known since preschool and the other I just met this year.  We ran away for a weekend to just be together and to just be well. This was our “wellness weekend.”

I’ve outgrown the weekends away in Vegas with my friends, laying poolside with a cocktail….. Especially because we all know that ends with me balls deep in a pizza yelling at the blackjack dealer that I just “took us out of a relationship on Facebook” due to the crappy cards he dealt me! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, JEREMY! UNCOOL. Clearly, this has happened more than once…. Anyho…. I don’t have the energy, the patience, or the room in my waistband for the weekends away of my past. My day to day dance card is already filled, I need to actually relax on my weekends.

As I’ve said before, traveling is hard on this fight. I’ve given myself some “Chubby Girl Travel Commandments” to live by but it’s not easy. That’s why I appreciate weekends like last weekend. Just a couple of good friends, in a beautiful spot, locked away and focused on the same goals- being healthy both inside and out. No, this doesn’t mean we just gnawed on vegetables and ice cubes all weekend. Instead it meant getting things done, both personally and professionally, to take our personal practices to the next level. We did just that while also eating well (think tacos, homemade flat breads, and BBQ) while sipping fun cocktails (I arrived with two different types of vodka and one bottle of whiskey. That’s a bottle a person. Do the math.).  Thankfully, gone are the days of acting like a bunch of 21 year olds experiencing their first beer. Instead they’ve been substituted with home cooked food and fun cocktails. I have finally perfected my night cap.

At the end of the weekend we threw a real grown up, family dinner. The table was surrounded by not just blood family, but also the new family we made that weekend.  We were in the middle of Nowhere Town, USA.  There was no cell reception, barely any WI-FI, and absolutely no TV.  So we invited not only other girlfriends from each of our own squads, but we also invited the women who worked on the farm to break bread with us. You’ve never seen a more efficient kitchen before. I’m impressed by what can get done when it’s only women. So we sat, ate, laughed, sipped, and we got to know not just one another, but also ourselves a little deeper.

On the final morning, as I sat on the porch of the beautiful farm we were blessed to call home for four days, I was able to really think about what the point is to this fight. Look, there have been some major ups. For example, the first five pounds I lost. There have also been some downs. For example, being stuck in those first five pounds. But besides the ups and downs there has also been a lot of learning, and not just about weight loss, but also about myself and the people I have chosen to surround myself with. Let me tell you, the metaphorical cream of my friendships have floated to the top since I started this fight, so to speak. They are the ones that have supported me through this. They’ve recognized that I am battling something and support me, no matter what that means. They get when I say “no” to things it’s not because I don’t want to see them, it’s because I want to see literally less of me.  There is zero pressure.  I like my friends like I like my cakes- guilt free, sweet, and full of ice cream.

Last weekend got me thinking that maybe it’s not just time to lose weight but maybe it’s also time to lose some metaphorical weight that has been holding me down. Meaning, maybe it’s time for a friendship spring cleaning. Now this doesn’t mean I am looking for an influx of phone calls and texts from friends seeing if this is a message to them because this isn’t to anyone in particular at all. Also, anyone who knows me well knows that I am a very direct person. So I would tell you. What I am saying is, I just need to figure out, now that I’m in my mid 30s and a lot of big things are happening in my life, who are the friends that are still supportive of my crazy ideas (like this blog life I’ve decided to take on)? Who makes it easy to call them my friend? Who just let’s me be me living my own version of my best life? Those are the people I want to surround myself. They are the frosting on my cake.

So I will end this blog as I always do- with a call to action. Mia Bella Lotta Faithful, take stock of the people in your life that you call your friends. Do a real good inventory. Look, the end of the year is coming up so this is a good time to do a little accounting. Next, who in your inventory is someone who supports you, loves you unconditionally, and is the effortless type of friendships where no work is needed but you want to put the work in? Right there are the ones that you should grab hold of and put in your MySpace Top 8. Don’t let them go.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.4 LBS, Chest 36.5, Under Boob 30, Belly Button 32.25, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 41.75.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Drink You Away” by Justin Timberlake

I can’t drink you away
I’ve tried Jack, I’ve tried Jim,
I’ve tried all of their friends
But I can’t drink you away
All these rocks
I can’t swim
Out of this skin
I’m living in.

Photo by Katie Mick Photography @katiemickphotography on Instagram. She’s a genius.

10/19/18

As this week’s post, My Apology, will tell you I am not happy or proud of myself for only being .1 LB down from last month.  I am proud of the inches I’ve lost.  I am working out really hard, but I know its not only about exercise, that is probably only 20% of the weight loss fight, its about what you eat.  I need to get back on this horse.

Again, upward and onward.

My Apology

I had an entire blog post set up and ready to go, but I had to scrap it.  I crinkled up that piece of paper and threw it into the trash of other scrapped rants.    Not going to lie, but I am a little frustrated at the moment, with hints of despair.  Right now I feel like I have not only let myself down, but let some of you down.  The feeling of letting a friend down is so much worse than just having myself to live up to.  This 2nd blogiversary did not end like I wanted it to end.  Last week things were looking on track. I was dusting off the ol’ gold star stickers from elementary school, but I might have put the cart before the horse and got too cocky.  Here I was all ready to post about fruit, vegetables, and eating in moderation, when just until recently I wasn’t doing anything in moderation.  I guess its true….Those that can’t, teach, or blog.

This is a new feeling- the feeling of letting others down.  I am trying to make myself an inspiration to others that feel the same way as I do, and I screwed it up.  I don’t like to disappoint, but what I lack in self control I make up for in backbone.  I will always be the first to admit when I did something wrong and apologize.  So, here it is- My Apology.

I am sorry.

Plain and simple.  Three short words that are packed with so much meaning. I also know you can’t just say “I am sorry” without knowing what you did that was wrong. In light of that…

I am sorry for getting cocky which resulted with me getting clumsy with my fight.  As I’ve said before, I am a planner who plans to plan.  So there was, and is, a plan to come out of this fight with a big “W” and all of the gold star stickers…

MY “KICK WEIGHT LOSS IN THE ASS” PLAN

  1. Upon wake up weigh yourself to help reflect the events of the previous day;
  2. Drink 16 oz of water before you put anything else in your body;
  3. Drink at least 100 oz of water in one day;
  4. Track anything and everything you put in your mouth for consumption;
  5. Carbs are your Brunch Buddies, but avoid carbs like your friend who gets sloppy drunk around sunset;
  6. Drink a glass of water when you find yourself hungry to make sure you really are in fact hungry;
  7. Workout. Like a lot. And hard.  Make it count; and
  8. Drink alcohol only one night/time/event a week, but stay away from wine (too much sugar- makes me bloat).

And done. Easy peasy.  As the time went on, I started to see a pound here and there each week shed off. Then, BAM. I got derailed from my perfectly put together plan.  Little by little instead of the pounds, my plan started to shed.  As of this last Monday I had gained 5 LBS from Friday, drank two days that weekend, didn’t track my food consumption from the weekend, ate carbs after lunch, and snacked without drinking my water.  So there it is.  My stumble.  I Paula Abdul’d this diet and took three steps forward and two step back.

Another thing that is very discouraging is knowing how hard I worked physically this month and knowing that this may be how hard I’ll have to work for the rest of my life to NOT gain weight. And listen to me carefully here. I am not saying that’s how hard I’ll have to work to LOSE weight, but rather how hard I’ll probably have to work to NOT GAIN weight. Makes me want to beat up the spokesperson for Walk Shop who always says “walk 10,000 steps a day for the rest of your life and never gain a pound.” Lies! You sit on a throne of lies!

Right now I am at an important crossroad in this beautiful fight.  I have two weekends away in a row starting today.  This is going to be a big test for me and my commitment to myself.  Do I drown further in this misery or do I pick myself up, dust myself off, grab my tracking book and 30 oz water bottle, and get this shit back on track?  I don’t consider myself one to really just give up so easily……So “Shit Back on Track” option it is.

I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.  There are going to be setbacks.  I am not perfect.  You are not perfect.  We have to all recognize that.  If it was easy, this wouldn’t be a fight and everyone would have the body of Khloe Kardashian post Lamar Odom break up.  This isn’t for the weak, this is a fight for the strong.  I will be strong even when I get punched.  Will you?

I will end, as I always end my weekly posts, with a call to action, but this time this call to action is for me.  Self, you will not give up on this fight.  You are going to drink that 100 oz of water and get back into the ring and kick this weight loss’ butt.  Now.

And thank God I see the thyroid doctor on Monday.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.4 LBS, Chest 36.75, Under Boob 30, Belly Button 32.5, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 41.75.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “You’ll Be Okay” by Great Big World

You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
The sun will rise
To better days
And change will come
It’s on it’s way
Just close your eyes
And let it rain
‘Cause you’re never alone
And I will always be there
You just carry on
You will understand
You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
Just look inside
You know the way
Let it go
Fly away
And say goodbye
To yesterday

John Mayer Was Right

Spoiler alert…. It may not be entirely your fault that you can’t lose weight. Say what? Okay, John Mayer never said that, but he did say that “your body is a wonderland” and gosh darn it he is right.  It is.

If you are having trouble losing weight it may not be entirely because you are doing it wrong, or your efforts aren’t the right efforts, or that low calorie diet isn’t the right diet. It’s crazy to think that a diet could be wrong, right? Isn’t that why its called a diet? Because you are on a special course of food to which you restrict yourself? We are living in a time where there are dozens, maybe even hundreds, of different diets- Low Carb, Keto, Atkins, WeightWatchers, Jenny Craig, Mediterranean, Paleo, Whole30, Nutrisystem, Wedding Diet (nothing like a diet based solely on financial stress, haha)… the list goes on and on. Yet there is a chance that if you are exercising, eating healthy, drinking water, and getting a good amount of sleep you would still be in for the disappointment of not effectively losing weight. That is just craziness.

Before I dive head first into this topic I would like to slide into your DMs for a moment and remind everyone that I am not a nutritionist since I believe that Taco Bell is an actual food group. I am also not a fitness expert, although I hang with one, but that is for another day and another time. Last, I am no doctor. Well actually that is technically a lie. I am a doctor, just not that kind of doctor. Lets just say if the law needed to lose weight in a healthy way, I am that doctor. Okay, went off on a tangent there, but I am telling you this because I don’t want you to take anything in today’s post as the Bible. For the first time I am actually going to try and do a little light “research” on this issue and wet your metaphorical palette with some knowledge grenades. Then maybe from my 30,000 foot view on the issue, it will motivate you to dig a little deeper and actually talk to someone who is a doctor and/or expert in this field.  Just make sure its a medical doctor, not a law doctor.

When I first started this this fight I had a tremendous outpouring of well wishes and support from friends and family. As I have said before I received a ton of texts, messages, and even a couple drunk phone calls from girlfriends expressing their love for me. Among these messages of support, I also received a couple asking if I had ever had by thyroid checked. This wasn’t really news to me as I’ve heard others talk about this issue before, but I truly thought that this issue was reserved for someone with far more weight to lose. The moment where it really sunk in that a thyroid issue can happen to anyone is when an old friend of mine, Felice, texted me to send me over some information. If I can paint you a quick mental portrait of Felice- she is dark haired beauty of a slender woman who, when I met her in Los Angeles years ago, was writing the witty and smart intros to those Netflix DVDs we used to all receive in the mail, but has now grown to be a full on writer.  The key word here is “slender” meaning that she didn’t need to lose a freakin’ ounce of weight, and she will wholeheartedly admit to that. Felice had other issues that were controlled by her thyroid- sleep. So I started to do some digging…

Oh, thyroid gland. The turtleneck to your throat. The inside winter scarf to our necks. This bugger can cause all sorts of issues. Through the hormones our thyroid produces it is the social influencer of a majority of our bodies metabolic processes. It is the Bachelor contestants of the Fab Fit Fun box, where for some of us what is in that box is just the right amount of hormones our body needs to function effectively and the way its suppose to. On the other hand some might have been dealt a Fab Fit Fun Box of the throat that contains a bunch of ineffective amounts and types of hormones causing the exact opposite effect, and to be on point with this blog, lack of weight loss. Okay, thats enough science today. I can already hear you all calling me a nerd and moving on.

The point is, maybe my current frustrations with my lack of weight loss isn’t entirely because of me and the efforts I am putting into it. It could be something that is currently completely out of my control, and, as many people know I hate the idea of being unable to control something. Thats why I don’t appreciate the ocean or flying. I am not in control of what happens once I am Snoopy Floating in the ocean or leavin’ on a jet plane- since I don’t know if I’ll actually be back again. Thus, after some discussion with Felice, I decided to reach out to my doctor about this possible thyroid issue. Frankly, I was about 6 months away from turning to modern medical procedures and have the lot of it sucked the f out. Okay, maybe I am being dramatic, but you get the point. I had literally hit rock bottom.  If there was an avenue for me to explore to help on this fight, you best believe I was going to run down it.

Here is something else I was warned about, many of your everyday doctors won’t look into thyroid issues. If your one thyroid test comes back normal, that is where the doctor will stop. Look, I don’t want to tell doctors how to do their jobs, but I can tell you if a client came in with a legal issue and I only looked at it from one angle I would be committing my own form of legal malpractice. But again, they have a couple more years of schooling on me. So my doctor told me, point blank, no to any further testing and instead set me up with an appointment with a nutritionist.  Girl, bye.  I’ve got one of those already. My doc figured that since my one test result looked fine, nothing more was needed.  Take that AM donut out of your diet, mission accomplished.  But she was ignoring the fact that my mom has a thyroid issue, which I can’t entirely blame since its not a hereditary thyroid issue.

Do not think that is where I stopped. I am one stubborn Italian.  I jumped on my computer and went, wait for it, out of my health insurance network and tried to find someone who would listen and would help on this fight with me. After an initial phone call with a doctor, I was informed that it very well could be my adrenal gland, my thyroid gland, any gland that is responsible for our hormones, that is causing this uphill fight. Also, yes, many doctors fail to take it the next step when their patient only has about 10-30 LBS to lose because they just consider it lack of trying or effort. I don’t know why there is this push back from many western doctors, but I am going to move forward and look into my thyroid even if it costs me a few Lincolns.

So Ladies and Gentlemen, here is my call to action for all of you.  I currently have a follow up appointment to get started with testing my variety of glands and what nots to see if this is possibly not entirely all about the efforts I am putting forward, but could also be something that I am not entirely in control of. Since I hate not being in control I am going to take the control back. If you are relating to this fight because you have your own weight loss issues and frustrations- Get on that computer and find a doctor or a nurse practitioner who will help you take that extra step. Jump on the Google machine and make some phone calls. I want us all to be in control of our weight loss fight.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 156.8LBS, Chest 36.75, Under Boob 30.25, Belly Button 32.75, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 41.75.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake

Don’t be so quick to walk away (Dance with me)
I wanna rock your body, please stay (Dance with me)
You don’t have to admit you wanna play (Dance with me)
Just let me rock you till the break of day (Dance with me)

 

Little Black Dress

That Little Black Dress.  Beautifully crafted with fabric that transformed into ribbon that had been strategically wrapped around me.  It hugs every curve like the dress was made for me and only me.  I wore it to Barrister’s Ball during my second year of law school.  I wore that dress with such confidence, and felt damn sexy in it.  And why would’t I?  Law school had such a negative effect on me in so many different ways except maybe one- I lost so much weight.  All that stress, heavy book lifting, multiple highlighter arm curls, getting my steps in as I paced the Law Library, and running up and down the stairs of my law school’s high rise building really paid off.  I had also stopped working out entirely for the first two years because there was absolutely no time for working out.  I figured if I had time to workout, then I had time to read and study instead.  Screw the low carb diet, try the law school diet.

We all have that one article of clothing.  It could be my Little Black Dress, skinny jeans, or a tube top (they are bound to come back into style one of these days).  It doesn’t matter what it is but we all have one- the “I Will One Day Fit Into It Again So It Will Hang In My Closet Until The Day I Die And They Have To Pry That Sucker Out Of My Cold Dead Fingers” article of clothing. Its the article of clothing that we leave in our closet hoping to one day fit into again. Its our benchmarker for when we will finally be satisfied with our weight and/or size.

On the other hand, some of us have the exact opposite article of clothing- our Fat Sweats.  You know the ones… the ones that you literally have to wash before you can even put them on because they’ve been rolled into a ball in the back of one of your drawers.  Its probably not even in your pjs/sweats’ drawer.  Its probably rolled into the back of your unmentionables’ drawer for safe keeping. My old-roommate, Shannon, and I had a very fond name for this “fat” outfit.  It was our “Football Uniform” because the accompanying shirt was usually the same heather gray as the sweats.  It was our secret (well I guess not so secret anymore, sorry Shan) that if we ever wore this outfit in front of a significant other then we felt that person was “our person” and could be trusted to look past the Football Uniform and at the beautiful butterfly inside it. My Fiancé (ahh love saying that), Kevin, calls this outfit my “Golden Gate Griffin Grays” and witnessed this piece of fashion forward art around date number two as I raced for the door to meet Comcast one morning.  I, once again, digress.

The point I am making is that we have these various articles of clothing in our possession and I don’t think either of them are doing any of us any favors as we journey on our fight for healthy weight loss.  On one hand you have the Little Black Dress.  I wore that dress almost TEN years ago.  I was in my mid 20s.  I don’t have any business trying to look like I did when I was in my mid 20s as I try and own my mid 30s.  We have all created this unrealistic expectation that we can travel back in time, defying gravity, and flip our no longer nimble bodies into the Little Black Dress, sashaying in public while heads whip so fast to check out the hot babe that necks literally break.  I’m sorry, but it ain’t gonna happen.

We need a new Little Black Dress or a new metaphor.  We need to stop trying to move backwards, and instead move forward to a new, healthy goal that works for your mid 30s arthritic toe’d body.  I workout more today than I ever have.  Before I left for my last trip I literally googled gyms in the area of my hotel in New York.  WHO IS THIS PERSON?  As I packed for our trip I ran my fingers across that Little Black Dress.  THE Little Black Dress, and thought “hmmm I wonder if I should bring it?”  WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I DO THAT TO MYSELF WHEN I HAVE COME THIS FAR!  So I passed on it and moved on to dresses I bought in this decade instead.  I moved to dresses I bought for 30’s Laura, and when I got home I made the decision that I am going to throw the dress out!  Okay, well not actually throw it out. That was more of a visual for you all.  I am not a monster.  Let me try that again.. and when I got home I requested that ThredUp send me another discard bag and I’ll wait for that bag for about 3-4 weeks and once I receive that bag I will lovingly fold that dress up and place it in the bag which will sit in the corner of my apartment until I have filled that bag and THEN I will put the UPS label on the bag and send it off for someone else to wear and feel like the dress was made for them.  And breath. Phew.

Now to the Football Uniform or the Golden Gate Griffin Grays- whatever you may call it in your house.  Yep, I see you cowering in the corner.  Get out here.  See the daylight for the first time in months.  You’ve got to go.  I know its unfair because we all want to have a “fat” night, but why do we want to have an article of clothing we can wear when we are fat?  If you can’t get on this journey for the sake of yourself then do it for your wallet.  Throw those fat sweats out and tell yourself “Self, you can’t gain weight because we can’t afford to buy new clothes. End of discussion.”

Now if you lose so much weight that new clothes are a necessity, well then its time to celebrate and please don’t forget to call me to go shopping with you!  Who am I kidding? I haven’t stepped into a brick and mortar clothing store in years….. Oh, and the Football Uniform does not go into the ThredUp bag.  They do not take articles of clothing with holes in them.  Those go into the trash.  Now.

Okay, its that time.  Its time for a call for action.  Walk your hot, curvy butt into your room and grab your Little Black Dress and  Football Uniform.  Little Black Dress, donate or sell yourself (Might I recommend ThredUp, Poshmark, or eBay?). Football Uniform, burn.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.4LBS, Chest 37, Under Boob 30.25, Belly Button 33, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 42.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Going Out In Style” by Kellie Pickler

When my time comes to an end
Don’t be sad
Don’t you shed one tear
Take me back to the place
I love the most
All my best memories were made
In my time here
Don’t be sad or broken hearted
Spread my ashes in the shoe department
Everybody knows that’s where I want be
Jimmy choo choo, saks fifth avenue
For all eternity smells like heaven to me

9/21/18

As you have figured out, I am not a woman of many words (haha), but first month done and great improvements.  Putting things into perspective is quite nice.  Down 4.4 LBS and 2.5″.

On ward and upward!

 

I’m Just a Girl Who Can’t Say No

Its true.  I am a girl who just can’t say no when it comes to any activity that involves hanging out with her friends.  #Truth.

I am always planning.  I am a planner that makes plans to plan.  My boyfriend jokes that I even plan to not have plans, and evidently thats not the way it works.  I think the root cause of my friendship addiction is that my friends are all very important to me.  Are there meetings for people addicted to friends?  I am guessing putting together a group of people that are addicted to their friends would just cause more friendships and the cycle would never break!  They would have to be private sessions to talk about your addiction.  Which would just be therapy, and that shit is expensive.  START A BLOG!  CHEAPER.  Problem solved.  Clearly the ADHD is in full swing today…

I have been lucky enough to have many chapters written in my book of life, and throughout these chapters many friendships have developed. I have friends from my childhood, high school, college, law school, through my boyfriend’s group of friends, and now from the adult chapter of Laura. I am even still, to this day, best friends with my first friend ever.  No not my brother, did you not read my last post?  Katie.  We have matching tattoos. I was the maid of honor in her wedding.  I am the Godmother to her children.  She is the Dogmother to my dogs.  That is true friendship and dedication.

I try very hard to avoid being THAT PERSON who forgets about someone just because I grow older and meet new people, because each and every one of my friends has made a significant impact on who I have become. On the other hand, this makes it very tricky. How do you make sure each and every one of your friends feel that they are important and special?  They’ve made me feel special by always including me.  I have been a bridesmaid 13 times…. 13!  I have been to countless weddings that have taken all my leftover income.  I throw my money at here.  Here take it all! I have traveled to the ends of the globe to witness friends and family marry the love of their life.  At the end of the day, I feel very special and loved.

We all have different types of friends and the relationships that come along with them.  I have some friends I can go months without seeing and we pick up right where we stopped the last time.  My best friends from high school and I meet up every couple months now that we have moved to different parts of the Bay Area (and Los Angeles).  We can talk for hours.  No alcohol required.  As soon as we all sit in our circle with our snacks and/or baked goods (expertly baked to perfection by my girlfriend Kelly #shouldhavebeenabaker) the faucet of chatter and gossip turns on and its hard to turn off.  There’s no pressure past that.  We text constantly.  We check in on each other.  We are there for all the ups and downs no questions asked, but no nothing more is needed.  I love that about us.

Then on the other side I have some friends that rightfully want and need more. That is where the pressure and anxiety of “am I doing enough to cultivate this relationship???” starts to build.  Its been a balancing act to make sure that I am able to see as many of these friend as possible and as often as possible, while making each and every visit significant and meaningful.  I am literally spinning plates on small sticks making sure that each continues to turn at the same rate, but I feel like I am failing hardcore.

Cut to today.  Bottomline is I am in this fight to better myself and feel better about myself.  I am cultivating this friendship with myself.  This fight mixed with this balancing act do not mix well.  Although you’d think I would be burning plenty of calories and building quite a 6-pack  performing this act, it always comes with a side of cocktails, wine, champagne, fantastic restaurants, comedy shows, sports games… the list goes on and on.  I am 35 and I don’t have any kids, so I can constantly fill my dance card with the latest and greatest with my friends. Yet with this ever growing list of social events to go to, so goes the growth of my waist line.  It has to stop.   I work so hard Sunday night through Friday afternoon, that as soon as Friday night comes I throw it out the window.  I will repeat to myself- water, little booze, veggies and protein only- then someone orders the mini sliders and then its downhill from there.  I wake up in the AM and BAM, the 2 LBS I lost that week have vanished within hours.   Insert gut punch.

So here we go…

Dear Friend,

First, let me tell you that you look great.  Did you do something different with your hair?  Whatever you are doing it is WORKING.  Keep it up. Sorry your beauty distracted me for a moment.  Let me get to the point…

It is with a heavy heart I must tell you that I won’t be able to join you at * INSERT AWESOME EVENT THAT WILL JUSTIFIABLY GIVE ME MAJOR FOMO ALL WEEKEND HERE * this weekend.  Although I want to with all my heart, soul, and size 8-10 pants, I cannot.  Its time for me to become incredibly more selfish (just when you thought I couldn’t get more selfish, I turn around and shock ya, huh?). I need to spend some time with my very best friend- myself.  Please don’t take this the wrong way.  I do enjoy every minute we spend together, but I do not enjoy the post-hangout blues that are sure to follow.  Yes, I know you will say that we don’t have to drink adult-only cocktails or even eat unhealthy (or even eat at all, great diet, huh?), but I want you to know that I do not yet have the strength to do so.  Once I do find it, don’t worry you are number 1 on my list of people to see.

Wait, wait, wait.  Before you go.  This doesn’t mean we can’t talk or text.  I am here for you just as I hope you are here for me and support me while I figure this out.

X O X O – Struggling w/ the Spinning Plates Girl

P.S. I’m really digging myself into a hole here, because this is going to be the ONE post my boyfriend reads and will use against me for the next events I plan… but maybe thats a good thing?

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.8LBS, Chest 37, Under Boob 30.25, Belly Button 33, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 42.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Dear Prudence” by the Beatles

Dear Prudence, won’t you come out to play
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It’s beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won’t you come out to play
Dear Prudence open up your eyes
Dear Prudence see the sunny skies
The wind is low the birds will sing
That you are part of everything
Dear Prudence won’t you open up your eyes?

 

Lakeside Family Chat

I couldn’t be in a more reflective and beautiful location right now.  Check in- on the porch of the lake house my family rents every late summer (with another close family) writing today’s post.  Its so calming here its hard not to reflect on why I am here and who I am here with.  This is one of the only vacations each year where it is just my immediate family- parents, brother, his wife and 2 adorable little girls, and my boyfriend… oh and Luna, the family dog.  Its a great weekend full of laughs, waterskiing, boat life, BBQing, expensive wine, not so expensive beer… you get the picture.  All this lake reflection got me thinkin’ about family and how they help, or can help, through this fight…

Family.  The friends we are lucky enough to  have throughout our entire lives.  Whether its your siblings, close cousins, parents, etc., it doesn’t matter. They are the friends that you don’t necessarily choose but are stuck with through the ends of time.  I am not using the term “stuck” in a bad way, because for better or for worse we have each other.  Plus, they are also stuck with me. I have an older brother who I am not particularly close with on account that I’ve always wanted to be the center of attention and he never stood a chance when I am singing at the top of my lungs “you have your looks, your pretty face, but don’t underestimate the importance of BOOODY LANGUAGE” (shout out to “The Little Mermaid”) as a 6 year old. Where my relationship with my brother may fall short, I am close with his wife and my cousin.  They are both like two much older sisters to me.  Wink wink.  Okay, my sister in law is only 3 weeks older than me, but those are LONG weeks.

Many of you who know me well also  know that I am very close to my Mom. Mama B.  Kelley Anne. We are close almost to a fault.  I know it may sound cliche but its always been like that.  Even my friends have come to realize the great utility of her.  A friend of mine from law school has nicknamed her “The Wolf” because it doesn’t matter if its a dead hooker you need to get rid of OR the way to make a perfect, golden pie crust, the Wolf has the answer.  I get the extreme-ness of those examples, and yes it does make me wonder why I am friends from law school that need to get rid of a dead hooker and 1) didn’t listen in Criminal Law well enough or 2) why in the world are they even around hookers? – but I guess thats a discussion for another day, another time. What that example does show is that I have come to depend on my Mom because she is a wealth of knowledge and happy to share in even the worst of times (this is also an idea I have for a book one day. You know you are excited to read the dead hooker chapter).

The one thing my Mom doesn’t do well, and I have a feeling this is the same for most mothers, she doesn’t want to cause any sadness (an excuse she recently gave me for why she doesn’t like to read this blog).  As a result, more often than not she will delay or avoid giving me information that will make me sad.  I have seen this in many different aspects throughout life.  For example my Mom waited until I finished finals in high school to tell me that Dirty Gerty, our great aunt that lived with us for most of my life, passed away so that it didn’t effect my grades senior year.

A more recent example is when I decided to hack off a lot of my long, brown hair.  I’ve always had long hair, its kind of my thang (along with my eyebrows).  I also have a lot of friends with very luxurious and thick long hair that I am very envious of.  There is an instance in particular that sticks out like a sore thumb.  It was about 5-6 years back and I was at Disneyland with a group of friends.  A close girlfriend of mine, Claudia, had just gotten off a ride and its like the speed of real life went into slow-mo.  She flipped her beautiful dark hair and her perfect beach waves around like she was auditioning to be the hottie in a spy film when they take off their motorcycle helmet. Then the world went back into regular speed.  I, duh, tried to do that same thing, but instead I had a HUGE knot in the back of my hair.  Embarrassed by my lack of suave-ness, I rushed to the bathroom and used my mini purse brush to brush out the huge mound.  So as soon as I got home I made an appointment to chop the mound off.  When I showed up to my parents my Mom said, and I quote, “Wow, I really like your haircut.  I always felt like you were hiding behind your long hair.”  Its imprinted in my brain, ya’ll.  Cut to current day, and my Mom goes back on her word and admits that was not the truth.  She didn’t like it at all.  I also instantly gained 20LBS that year so the short hair and the 20LBS didn’t help.

So Mom, if you are reading this, we need to talk…

Why can’t the person who can get rid of a dead hooker not tell their daughter the truth?  We all need someone, preferably someone we think of as family, that can tell us the gosh darn, ugly truth.  If no one tells us, then its a year down the road and we have blue hair that our person told us made us “festive” but really made us look unprofessional and we now live on the streets because we can’t think of why our law practice can’t make any money. WHY GOD WHY? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?  Wow, I let that get away from me for a second… What I am trying to say is that the delay in the news causes us to get so far down the road that it takes us even longer to get back to where we were before.  Everyone knows that its harder to take off weight than it is to put on.  Much harder.  I can ruin a year of hard work in weeks.

Let this be a public service announcement… Tell me.  Tell your person.  Maybe its not the news that hurts, but the approach.   Stop telling me that muscle weighs more than fat.  Tell me straight to my face- “Honey Boo Boo Child, it does seem like whatever you are doing isn’t working as well as you want.  It does seem like the rump is going outwards instead of inwards and upwards.”  You don’t have to tell me, point blank, “girl you fat” – don’t be like Grandma after a bottle of Chard.  But you need to tell me before  I no longer have a handle on it.

Here is my call to action to all you readers.  If you can relate to what I am talking about, no matter if its your fight with weight loss or something else, designate your person.  Sit them down and tell them that they are an important role in this fight with you.  They are your coach in the corner of the boxing ring with the towel, shoulder rubs, and water bottle with the funny long straw.  Don’t be mean about it, be helpful and constructive.  Tell me when something isn’t working, but also make sure that later you balance it when something is working.  When you are at this point in your life and feel like plain old crap, we are blind.  We are lost.  Help guide us.  We don’t expect you to have the answers, but we do expect you to use your God given eyes and tell us.  You can see.

Sorry Mom, but if you try to ignore what I am doing right now because it makes you feel bad know that I feel even worse and help.  Don’t hide.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.8LBS, Chest 37, Under Boob 30.25, Belly Button 33, Below Hips 38.75, Largest Part of Butt 42.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Wild World” by Cat Stevens

Oh baby baby it’s a wild world
It’s hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it’s a wild world
I’ll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do,
And it’s breaking my heart in two,
‘Cause I never want to see you sad girl,
Don’t be a bad girl.

 

 

 

The Chubby Traveler

Excuses, excuses.  I’m like Oprah.. You get an excuse! You get an excuse!  EVERYBODY GETS AN EXCUUUSE!  Its like a line outside a ladies bathroom- Excuses line up and wait for the bathroom door to open so the next excuse can come on in once the last excuse is done.  They range from “but it’s Shannon’s birthday” or ” I haven’t seen Ashley in awhile” or “but Amanda is going through a rough time so I need to be here for her” or “I don’t want to be THAT girl” and so on and so on… but  my numero uno of excuses is, drum roll please, TRAVEL!

It doesn’t matter if I am traveling for 24 hours or 24 days, I always take that moment to throw all the hard work out the window and pretend to be an 80 pound girl who “can’t gain an ounce no matter how hard I try” (insert eye roll here).  Recently this happened to me, and its going to happen to me again in a few weeks when I am on to the next adventure if I don’t get my metaphorical shit together.

In the past, my thought has been “well I don’t know if I will ever come back to INSERT TOWN, CITY, COUNTRY, WHATEVER HERE so I need to make sure to immerse myself into as much of the culture as possible”- i.e. eat and drink everything I can, plus some.  That’s all good, until you and your boyfriend have created the #GyroADay Challenge while you are in Greece for 15 days.   Count it, that’s 15 GYROS, 1-5.  Sure, your boyfriend whose family is Scandinavian and Eastern European can indulge since he went on a run last month and that takes care of him gaining any weight for the year, but not for the girl whose family is Italian and gains a pound looking at someone else eat pasta.  This leads me to wonder “how do people that travel for a living continue to look great in every photo they post on Instagram or their travel blog?”  Look, I know photoshop can do wonders, but they are bloggers not Kim K.  That stuff is expensive.

So today, Friday, September 7th, 2018, I am exactly 20 days until we go on our next culinary, I mean- cultural adventure.  At the end of the month we head off to New York City, home to Eataly, I mean- home to the Statue of Liberty and the bright lights of Time Square.  “N-Y-Ceeeeee. Just here this morning. Three Bucks!  Two Bags!  One Dreammmmm….” (Annie the musical. No, not the movie, the MUSICAL) I digress.  So I did some digging to get some advice….

First, I started with some of my friends who I know travel a lot, whether it was for something creative like photography or writing their own travel blog.  Here are some tips that I got from my network of kick ass people:

Where in the Blonde? by Megan Gagnon “Europe today… where in the blonde tomorrow?” God, I love a good tag line.  I met Megan a few years back through some of my friends in law school.  She’s lived in San Francisco, Los Angeles, and most recently moved South of the Border.  This beautiful blonde walks every where and believes in lots of h20, “If there’s a church steeple to climb, I do it.  I think walking tours are key!  I also get a huge liter and half water bottle and make sure I drink two of them during the day to counter my drinking… I don’t like to monitor my diet while traveling so exercise is where its at.”

Make sure to check out her blog at: http://whereintheblonde.com and her instagram can be found at @whereinintheblonde

Sean MacCuish, Photographer / Designer:  I’ve known Sean for many years. He was my roommate back in LA about 10 years ago, and he is one of the most creative guys I know.  It doesn’t matter if its photography, designing clothing, or even painting and designing surfboards (yes, you read that right- surfboards).  Sean admits that its very easy to stay healthy when you are traveling for work because most hotels now have great gyms, but only when you take the time to use the gyms. Yet “eating out can be tricky on the road, especially in smaller cities.  You don’t have access to healthy take-out food as often.  It takes planning and prep.” Recently, Sean and his girlfriend bought a van, completely renovated it, and traveled across the country.  During their month and a half journey, they stopped at great locations taking some of the most beautiful photos I’ve ever seen (you definitely have to check out this instagram for the photos, info below).  While traveling in the van, “we had our share of unhealthy meals but whenever we had the chance we’d prep healthy snacks and meals for a few days out.” Their favorite healthy snacks are cacao energy bites and almond butter balls.  If he’s makin’ those I may need to get the recipes! I know he is a good cook!

You can find some of Sean’s great work at maccuishphoto.com/ and on his instagram @seanryanmac

Great advice: walk, lots of water, and prep some healthy snacks when you can.  So far I am liking that no one has said they stay away from the local cuisine.  So I decided to dig into this more, and looked for more advice…. to the GOOGLES!

The Road Les Traveled by Lesley Murphy:  Many of you may remember Lesley from the Bachelor and Winter Games, but everyone should follow her on instagram at @lesleyannemurphy.  She is inspirational and one of my favorite alums from the franchise (my #1 is reserved for someone very special to me. Oh, you know who you are…).  Lesley’s blog has some great health resources.  For example:  ways to use your hotel room as a gym, her favorite exercise videos (with photos of her even working out in her PJs, she is my type of girl),  keeping up her 4 days a week of exercise while away, and a guide to running on the beach (start on hard wet sand then move your way to the more dry sand).

Lesley’s website can be found at: https://theroadlestraveled.com

PsychoTraveller by Aly: Aly doesn’t just talk travel, but about a way of life.  She emphasizes living your life the way that you want it.  Aly is located in England and gives great advice on things to do and how to get there.

Aly’s website can be found at: http://www.psychotraveller.com

The Blonde Abroad by Kiersten:  I must have a thing for blonde travelers?  This California native gives you travel tips, packing guides and much, much more.  Her blog is the “go to blog” for solo-female travelers.  After taking a break from her corporate job, she made the decision to leave it all and travel.  She  even allows other women to collaborate on her website to give their own tips on travel.  Bad ass.

Kiki’s website can be found at: https://theblondeabroad.com

Alright, I know at this moment you are all on the edge of your seats, screaming!  The moment you’ve all been waiting for…. Based on the research I have done and the advice I have been given, below you will find…

“This Chubby Traveler’s Top 10 Travel Commandments”

  1. Eat local cuisine, but do it in moderation and be reasonable.
  2. Make sure to carve out time to work off those local delicacies.
  3. Once you indulge on a local delicacy make sure to stay near the lighter side of the menu for the rest of the day.
  4. Walk, walk, walk- this is a great way to see a new city.  Is there a great place to explore and hike?  Even better!
  5. If you don’t or can’t use the local city as your “gym”, make sure to workout first at your hotel before exploring. That way its over and done with and doesn’t get forgotten.  Remember, no more excuses. Tell them to take a hike!  (See what I did there?)
  6. Live by this- Bike over Car, but Walk over Bike.
  7. Again, if you use your hotel gym make sure to plan short, high intensity workouts so you don’t feel like you are missing out on your holiday.  A lot of great examples can be found online or “there’s an app for that!” Take a look at Aaptiv, Grokker, Apple, even ol’ trustworthy Youtube.  Thank God for technology.  Helps with the no excuses theme I’ve been throwing around a lot.
  8. Keep your “at home” workout routine/schedule, but with fun and new exercises.  Maybe check out a local gym or studio? If you are going to dive into local culture, don’t just stick to food and drink- why not learn a new workout craze!
  9. Pack some healthy snacks from home.
  10. And the Golden Rule… Remember and repeat to yourself #nodaysoff

Usually at the end of each blog I ask you to try something new, but here I am going to make another commitment to you.  When I go to the lake next weekend AND when I go to New York at the end of the month, I am going to live by  “This Chubby Traveler’s Top 10 Travel Commandments” and put them to practice.  Because like the Golden Rules says #nodaysoff.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 159.4LBS, Chest 37.25, Under Boob 30.5, Belly Button 33.25, Below Hips 38.75, Largest Part of Butt 42.  Considering my weekend away, this isn’t bad and there was muscle gain.  Wahoo.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “A Life That’s Good” by the Nashville Cast

Two arms around,
Heaven to ground me,
And a family to always call me home,
Four wheels to get there,
Enough love to share,
And a sweet, sweet, sweet song
At the end of the day,
Lord, I pray,
I have a life that’s good
Sometimes I’m hard on me,
When dreams don’t come easy,
I wanna look back and say,
I did all that I could.

 

 

#NoFilterNeeded

I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, or at least a misinterpreted foot (if that is even a thing?).  I don’t want any of you to think I am not, at my core, happy.  I am.  I am very happy, and gosh darn it people like me.

Trust me, I can see how reading my first blog posts would give you the idea that I am unhappy or depressed.  Let me assure you I am none of those things.  Like I said in my first blog post- I wouldn’t feel sorry for me.  I will be the first to acknowledge that I have a wonderful life with not a lot to complain about.  I have my general health.  Both my parents and those close to me are relatively healthy.  I have a career and I make pretty good money. I get to travel a lot and immerse myself into other cultures whenever I please. I have a very understanding boyfriend who loves me even when I’m in my sweats and suggest that if he really loved me he would go get me my DAMN CLOWN CONE (from Baskin Robbins).  I have made countless friends over the various periods of my life that I hold on to and cherish as if we met the day I was born. I have nieces and nephews that still think  I am young and can use me as a jungle gym, I can tan without burning….. AND I can rub my belly and pat my head at the same time- I have some real #GirlBoss skills.  Really the only thing that I can complain about is what inspired me to start this blog… my weight issues.  Period.  Full Stop.

One reason I decided to go public with this insecurity of mine is because every day we jump on social media, scroll through our newsfeed and we see all the greatness that is going on in our friends, family, or celebrities lives.  The celebrations, the pretty pictures with  great lighting and filtered to the ends of the earth… the list goes on.  I know this because I do it almost very gosh darn time I post a picture or “check in.” We are constantly trying to play “keeping up with the Jones'” with every post and click.   I think that is why the response to something imperfect made people wonder if I was in a bad place.  When the consistent themes on our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. are about politics and selfies, and we are all in this constant battle to one up each other and stay relevant – its easy to see how when one thing is not like all the others causes people to stop and think “oh shit, what’s wrong with her? Is she OK?”

Why don’t we share the mundane, the average, the everyday, the “Stars are Just Like Us, The Real People Version” more often? We are regular, everyday people!  There doesn’t always have to be something spectacular going on to share with those we love.   Doesn’t the average, no matter if its good, bad, or ugly make us more relatable to each other?  Its funny that we praise when a celebrity posts a #NoMakeUpSelfie or #NoFilter or #NoPhotoshop picture and applaud them for being so real and raw, but when one of our own does that we think that maybe its a cry for help.  I am quite often guilty of this.

A couple years ago (I believe it was) Tyra Banks, or Debra Messing, or some other rockin’ female empowerment celebrity who challenged us to take a #FreshFaceFriday selfie and post it to our social media page.  No make up, no great lighting, no filters, no nothing…. So I challenge you this Labor Day Weekend to post something that is real and raw.  Please no food pics, we’ve all had enough of those.  Don’t cover yourself up with a filter, great lighting, great angles, and/or “hand on hip” photo just once.  See yourself and let people see you for who you really are.  Just an awesome human being making ends meet and living YOUR best life.  Embrace your awesome.

Alright, I have to go right now b/c I am out of breath being so high up on this soap box I built for myself and right now is “magic hour”… these #Selfies aren’t going to take themselves.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 159LBS, Chest 37.5, Under Boob 30.75, Belly Button 33.25, Below Hips 38.75, Largest Part of Butt 42- not much moving but I’ll take it.  Slow and steady wins the race.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “It’s Only Life” by Kate Voegele

Take your hesitance,
And your self defense,
Leave them behind,
It’s only life,
Don’t be so afraid of facing every day,
Just take your time,
It’s only life,
I’ll be your stepping stone,
Don’t be so alone,
Just hold on tight, it’s only life,