There’s No Goal Without a Plan

June 7, 2019.Reading time 13 minutes.

Wow, its been a hot minute since we’ve last talked, huh? Its just been crazy over here in the world of Mia Bella Lotta, speaking to my personal life. We finally made the big move that Kevin and I had aways talked about doing. We sold our place in the Dogpatch, San Francisco and headed as far west as we could. We are officially residents of Half Moon Bay, CA. I’ve gotta say, its quite lovely. Words like “lovely” are words I use now that I am part of the “Coast People.” I traded walks dodging needles and homeless people for views of the ocean! Movin’ on up!

I want to apologize for leaving you hanging the last month or so, but now you know what I’ve been up to. As much as I’d rather have been sitting around eating cupcakes and losing weight from using my TV remote hand too much, that was not the case. If you still require a visual for a clear picture of me from the last month or so, and I don’t want to leave anyone behind, I’ve been behind a mountain of boxes trying to figure out which one has all my sports bras. Literally just running around in circles building forts out of boxes.

So where did we leave off? Oh yeah, I was pretty much a Stage 7 Vegetarian, meaning I could not and would not eat anything that casts a shadow. OK, maybe that was dramatic, but its how I felt inside and feelings are important to recognize. In reality, I was coming down from the world’s worst food hangover after having completed my first round of the Whole30 followed by a long weekend in NOLA. No, you don’t have to re-read that sentence. I did say first which implies that I completed multiple rounds of the Whole30. I did. I completed the Whole30 TWICE. The first time I lost about 10LBs. The second time, after NOLA and a little bit of a relapse, I lost about 4LBs. This brought my grand total down just under 12LBs. Don’t worry about my math, and lets not focus on what I did in between. Nothing to see there.

That is what has lead me to today, because as the ol’ saying goes, “a goal without a plan is just a wish.” I can say, with all honesty, that the Whole30 was a huge success and a great foundation laid for me, but I still have a little under 6 months until the big day. Now its time to figure out how to live a life as close to the Whole30 without burning out. Lets get real… its not a sustainable lifestyle, and remember I am looking for a LIFESTYLE and not a DIET. So how can I turn what I’ve learned from the Whole30 into something sustainable? This is where trial and error comes in.

First, I want to point out a few thing I liked about the Whole30. I guess we can so say the most important thing is that I actually saw and felt weight loss. That was the big win. Another big win, and most people may not know this, but I have had eczema since I was a baby. Its something that plagues my family. Through the years I have learned that a cause of my eczema may be a side effect of the foods I eat (like dairy). I always brushed that fact aside because “mine is hereditary” (real quote from me to anyone who mentioned my diet being a cause). As a result, I have been using a steroid cream where my eczema was the worst, around my eyes. Yep, I’ve put a steroid around my eyes every day since I was in 6th grade. I worshipped this cream like it was my Windex. It could fix anything. Random rash? Try my cream. Burn? Try my cream. Blemish? Try my cream. Broken tail pipe? Try my cream. You get the picture. You know what a steroid in the eye can cause? Glaucoma. Yep. So while its healing that rash, its slowly *maybe* causing me to go blind or, if not blind, make me look like my 15 year old dog, Audrey, with cloudy eyes. As you may have guessed I am a little vain, so that is not a choice I’m willing to make. I also realized that as I grow up my eczema traveled to different places on my body, never actually finding a permanent home. So there was a good chance that my body’s need for the cream around my eyes could be because of an addiction to the steroid on the skin around my eyes. Steroids can do a number on your body, including making mine a good candidate to hang out in the Tenderloin in San Francisco. I knew if I had any chance of getting my skin to kick this steroid habit it would be when my body was running at its cleanest. I can happily say that I am now FOUR WEEKS sans steroid cream. In the past, I’ve never been able to make it a week without it. Amen.

Last, and I will deny it if you tell people this at public functions, I liked not waking up hungover. Not that I drank that much before, but even taking that one more day a week off of the table made me feel like a million bucks. I walked into work on Monday with less of the Monday Blues. It felt dang good. Of course, as I said in the past, I missed a good dirty martini so this feeling was short lived, but at least I can sustain from over-drinking easier.

Now lets talk about the things I didn’t like about the diet. First and foremost, how strict it is. There are no small “cheats” and it turned me into the person I hate to be at restaurants, “excuse me but what ingredients are in this steak tartar?” or “do you add sugar to your mayonnaise?” It took us what seemed like hours to order a simple salad with all my questions. I hate being that person. I make fun of those people. Besides that there wasn’t really anything else I didn’t like about it- besides not being able to eat ice cream cake, or ice cream, or cake.

So that leads me to my plan, or my “working” plan. How can I use the elements I liked and fix the ones I hate in order to get me through at least the next 6 months?

Rule #1: On School Nights, Paleo. What is Paleo? Its Whole30 without being so strict. So no alcohol, sugar, dairy, carbs, or legumes on school nights. If I happen to have a bunless burger with ketchup with added sugar, so be it. If thats the worst thing on my plate I’d say I’m winning.

Rule #2: Weekends 80/20. This is where my trial and error comes in. I need to figure out what 80/20 looks like to me. I can’t count past 10 with my shoes on, so making me do actual math between meals and ratios would be a pure disaster. For now, I am walking the fine line between the right amount of carbs and balls deep in carbs like a tightrope artist. I’ll let you know when I come to a solution.

Rule #3: Workouts *at least* 4 days a week. This rule will not be hard for me to follow. I am addicted to getting a workout in. Our new community has a pool, and I can’t wait to jump in and start swimming laps again!

Rule #4: Lots of water! My body has come to the point that if I don’t have at least 60Oz of water by 3pm my lips get dry. Chalk this up to another rule I’ll ace.

Rule #5: Intermittent Fasting. Before, one week I would fast for 12 hours between my dinner and next meal, then the next week I would make it 14 hours. This is another aspect of my plan I need to experiment with. It was a successful cycle during the Whole30, but that may have been because of the clean eating. Since being off, it seems my best weeks for weight loss are the ones where I stick to 14 hours. I may just stick to 14 hours for a couple weeks and see how it goes, so stay tuned. This may seem easy to some of you, but remember that coffee is considered a meal if you don’t take it black.

Goal: My goal moving forward is to lose at least 2 LBs each month starting in June. This may seem easy, but for May I started at 151.6 and ended at 150.2. Thats -1.4. Note that I ended my second round of the Whole30 on 5/10, so that is a couple weeks of me with my trial and error experiment. So at the end of June I want to be at 148.2. Just as I had a hard time with breaking through the 160 into the 150s, I know that its going to be just as hard breaking out of the 150s into the 140s, but man do I have the motivation.

Here are my stats for June. I am going to keep my stats to monthly moving forward to see if I hit my goal.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 150.2, Chest 36, Under Boob 30, Belly Button 32, Below Hips 37, Largest Part of Butt 40.5.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “What I cannot change” by LeAnn Rimes

I know what makes me comfortable
And I know what makes me tick
And I when I need to get my way
I know how to pour it on thick

Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I wake
I face a day, and pray to God
I won’t make the same mistakes

All the rest is out of my hands
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I, whatever I can

On the Road Again

March 22, 2019.Reading time 9 minutes.

Initially I started writing this blog last week, but it got sidelined because things got nutty in my personal life. This is just a little caveat because this week’s post may feel a little disjointed since I have been living this for the last 2 weeks. So, in the spirit of lent, please forgive me.

Good news! I have been given the green light. I am locked and loaded. I take off in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. BLAST OFF. Diet time.

As I I have discussed at length, since Thanksgiving I have been working with my doctor to fix some internal hormone issue with various natural supplements. Just after the new year my doctor suggested that we test again to see how my body is reacting to all the new supplements. She explained that this test will give us a good indication as to whether we are on the right track or if we need to adjust anything.

Man, was I nervous. On one hand I wanted to be ready to move to the weight loss portion of my program, but on the other hand I knew that once the excuse of my internal body was taken away from me, I had no other excuse to lean on as to why I had been failing so miserably at dieting. At that point, it would just be me and my efforts. Talk about pressure. I sulked into my doctor’s office. I felt like a kid that was called into their principal’s office not knowing if they did something horribly wrong or if I was there to win “Best Student in the History of the School” award. Who doesn’t want to have the west wing of their grade school named after them?

Results are in. It’s go time. At first I was excited, but then I realized that this meant that at that very moment my worst nightmare was coming true and the only reason I wasn’t losing any weight was because I had taken my “status quo/ laizzez-faire” attitude to just plain laziness. I used the excuse of traveling and wedding planning as why I had regressed in my daily routine In reality, I was having a hard time reprograming myself back to healthy Laura, instead of the “Eataly A Day” dream.

So here we are, hitchhiking to get back Dieting Drive. I know I said that I wasn’t looking into dieting, but rather a healthy lifestyle, but maybe it takes something like a diet to reprogram the ol’ computer that is my body in order to get to the healthy lifestyle destination. Whenever something in my office breaks, my partner, to my complete annoyance, always asks me if I turned “it off and back on again?” Although I will never admit it to his face, he may be right this time around. I needed to turn my body off of dieting and monitoring what I was eating, then turn it back on again to work more efficiently and effectively.

At the direction of my doctor and her nutritionist I started the Whole30 AND intermittent fasting diet that week. Here I thought walking into my appointment with the idea of giving up dairy for lent was going to impress the socks off of my doctor. Talk about amateur hour! Like I said, full reset was needed.

A little background on the Whole30 for those of you that haven’t had a friend ask you to join them in the Whole30 Challenge (misery does love company)…. The Whole30 Diet consists of NO dairy, NO grains, NO sugar, NO legumes, NO alcohol, basically NO fun for 30 days. I am not exaggerating. Any form of fun is strictly prohibited. Smiling? Nope, you’ll gain weight from the muscle movement. Watching TV? Don’t work out those thumbs! OK, kidding, but thats what it feels like.

Now a little background on Intermittent Fast, for those of you that constantly see if promoted on some sort of social media application. There are many different types of Intermittent Fasting. The program I am following is not eating for X hours between dinner and your next meal, including coffee if you take it any other way but black. I like my coffee like I like my men- creamy? Sure, thats a word I’d use when describing Kevin. He’s creamy. At first I was told to not eat for 16 hours between meals. For someone that doesn’t actually get to eat dinner until anywhere between 6:30-8pm, the mornings are rough. This week we changed that to anywhere between 12-14 hours. This is a little more realistic.

In a nut shell, my life has become so restricted when it comes to my food and meals. I am restricted as to what I eat and what time I can eat. Prison for a foodie! As a result of the Whole30 program, I have turned to putting mustard on everything. Its pretty much the only condiment I can eat. Last night I made dinner for Kevin and my Dad, chicken “tortilla” soup. Really, I had a bowl of tortilla-less soup with chicken and avocado while they had a pile of tortilla chips and cheese with a soup bottom. I wanted to cave so bad. Tonight we are going out to dinner to one of our favorite steakhouses by my parents’ house. Its going to take every ounce of my body to not order a dirty martini with any type of cheese stuffed olives. EVERY. SINGLE. OUNCE.

I am about 1 day away from being 2 weeks in. The 1stt week, the LBs literally fell off. This 2nd week I’ve been stuck, slowly creeping up .1 of a LB at a time. I am hoping that this is just a part of the process. I am working my best to not become discouraged because its become a challenge for me to make it through the entire 30 days Again, I will not give up. This has become quite a theme here. This fight has no idea what kind of challenger it has in its opposing corner.

MIA BELLA LOTTA’S CALL TO ACTION: Did you give up or add anything into your life this Lent(al) Season? Last year was the first year I added something instead. In the spirit of positivity when I wasn’t feeling very great about myself, I challenged myself to reach out to a new friend every week that I had lost touch with or had not talked to in awhile. Just wanted them to know I was thinking of them and was still there for them. So don’t think you need to deprive yourself of something, because I believe the spirit is to do something in order to better you life. So go out there and better your life.

MEASUREMENTS; In the spirit of this process I will not be disclosing my weekly measurements and weight, but rather waiting until the last day to post my beginning and ending results- no matter the actual numbers.

SONG OF THE DAY: “Hard” by Rihanna

They can say whatever, I’ma do whatever
No pain is forever, yup, you know this
Tougher than a lion, ain’t no need in tryin’
I live where the sky ends, yup, you know this

A Week in My Life

January 11, 2019.Reading time 14 minutes.

Before the holidays I touched base in some things going on in my life that have precluded me from being able to hit my goals and, instead, stay stagnant. The main reason being stress, and not just emotional stress, but also physical stress and environmental stress. All 3 of these together, I have come to learn, are a dealbreaker in weight loss.

With all of that in mind, I wanted to give you some insight into what my typical week looks like by taking a look at the last week of my life. Just in case you are sitting at home reading week after week and thinking “Self, this girl isn’t working hard enough. Cleary she is eating pie and Taco Bell every week while sitting on the couch with her 2 adorable dachshunds and her handsome as hell fiancé.” Rest assure, I am not. I wish I was, but I am not. But you are right, he is super handsome and my pups are freakin’ adorable.

This last week has been a pretty typical food and workout week. I worked out a ton (despite two days in a row forgetting to bring my shoes or sports bra to the gym) and I ate pretty standard. What you will notice is that I am not a HUGE snacker (::she says while she is snacking on Bubba’s Fine Foods Grand Garlic Parm ‘Nana Chips::). Key word is HUGE. I normally don’t, but as we all know there is an exception to every rule. Or is that just an attorney saying? Anyways, I will let you be the judge.

Please not that everyday I drink AT LEAST 90OZ of water. I always start my day with AT LEAST 16OZ of water before I put anything else in my body. OK, lets get to it…

Friday, January 4th:

Breakfast around 8:30AM: RX Bar (honestly I can’t remember which one because I have a variety pack).
Lunch around 12PM: Poke Bowl with half sushi rice and half mixed greens. Bowl included salmon, jalapeno, seaweed salad, avocado, cucumber, ponzu sauce, and some fried garlic sprinkles.
Dinner around 7PM: Chicken breast w/ a pesto sauce and roasted potatoes and tomatoes w/ parm cheese sprinkles. This was homemade, B-T-Dubbs.
Exercise: 60MIN OrangeTheory Class

Saturday, January 5th:

Breakfast around 11:45AM: I tried to skip since I had a late morning workout and tend to cramp easily, but after my workout I was famished. So I had a small breakfast sandwich from Starbucks w/ an unsweetened ice team. I was still hungry after, which reminds me of why I don’t eat that crap. Empty calories.
Lunch around 2:30PM: Now you see why I ate the breakfast sando. I had appointments all day and knew I wasn’t going to get a homemade lunch until late. For lunch I made (overnight) chicken tortilla soup. I added about 1/2 a cup of rice, 2 tablespoons of grated cheddar cheese, and about 7 tortilla chips.
Dinner around 7PM: Old school taco night. It was a rainy day and wanted some comfort food. Got some ground beef and some crunchy shells and made dinner in record time! My tacos included, besides the above, lettuce, cheddar cheese, and TB taco sauce (that was as close as I was going to get to actual Taco Bell). I also made a side of black beans and some fresh guacamole. For my guac, I have the world’s best recipe that is mostly just avocado, jalapeno, and lime- and my secret seasoning combo.
Exercise: 60MIN OrangeTheory Class

Sunday, January 6th:

Breakfast around 8AM: RX Bar, again.
Lunch around 1PM: Stopped at Sam’s Chowder House while we were on the coast. I had a Lobster Roll (“naked”) and a salad on the side. They are famous for their Lobster Rolls, even having a dedicated food truck that goes around the Bay Area, and I live by the motto that I want to be able to live a life that doesn’t deprive me of all that is good. So every now and then I throw myself a treat- in moderation, of course.
Dinner around 7PM: Steak salad w/ shishito peppers and a cilantro lime dressing (homemade). I was clearly in a Mexican mood this weekend. Haha.
Exercise: As God did on the 7th day of the week, I rest.

Monday, January 7th:

Breakfast around 8:30AM: RX Bar.
Lunch around 12PM: Brought back the delicious chicken tortilla soup. I added about 1/2 a cup of brown rice, 2 tablespoons of grated cheddar. cheese, and about 7 tortilla chips/crumbs (soup is a good way to get rid of the bottom of tortilla chip bags). I also stole an egg roll from my Dad.
Dinner around 7PM: Chicken Thighs with an apple-dijon sauce, roasted brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, and spinach (homemade).
Exercise: 60MIN OrangeTheory Class

Tuesday, January 8th:

Breakfast around 8:30AM: Breakfast burrito… psyche! Just wanted to make sure you were paying attention. Clearly it was an RX Bar.
Lunch around 12PM: Last serving of my delicious chicken tortilla soup. I added about 1/2 a cup of brown rice, 2 tablespoons of grated cheddar, a couple last crumbs of tortilla chips.
Dinner around 7PM: Chickpea pasta (Brand Banza) w/ a homemade beef and pork ragu. If you haven’t tried the chickpea pasta, run, don’t walk, and buy some. They are at almost every store in the Bay Area. They don’t only taste delicious BUT they also are packed with 25G of protein and 13G of fiber. SAY WHAT!?!? Heck ya.
Exercise: 60MIN OrangeTheory Class

Wednesday, January 9th:

Breakfast around 8:30AM: Tried out a new protein shake that has over 40G of protein. It was okay. I read that someone with stress issues should have at least 35G of protein in their AM, so I am searching for a great protein shake. Please send suggestions.
Lunch around 12PM: Chicken pita w/ tomatoes, feta cheese, onion, and (my fave) tzatziki sauce and squeeze of lemon (homemade).
Dinner around 6:30PM: Trout w/ a salsa and potatoes. Light, with a kick!
Snack: Cherry Chocolate Protein Bar (I was in the mood for sweets).
Exercise: 50Min Run/Walk- almost 4 miles.
Weigh In: 159.6LBs. I have a golden rule to not weigh myself after a long trip for at least a week. This was my first weigh in for 2019.

Thursday, January 10th:

Breakfast around 8:30AM: RX Bar (getting sick of this yet? Well until I find a good protein shake you are stuck with this!).
Lunch around 12PM: Spicy Chicken salad with tomato, corn, black beans, avocado and herb vinaigrette. The chicken is breaded, but there is not much. This was because of a board meeting that I actually ate out. I also had two pickles. They are delicious. Here is where I blow it, a piece of cheesecake for a work birthday BUUUUUT it was MAYBE the size of a business card. I did not completely indulge.
Dinner around 7PM: Lemon and Herb Butter Chicken w/ potatoes and swiss chard (homemade).
Exercise: 60MIN OrangeTheory Class
Weigh In: 158.8LBs

Friday, January 11th:

Breakfast around 8:30AM: You guessed it- RX BAR!
Snack: about 1/2 cup of Bubba’s Fine Foods Grand Garlic Parm ‘Nana Chip (I believe the ‘Nana is a cute way to say Banana)
Lunch (planned): Chicken pita w/ tomatoes, feta cheese, onion, and (my fave) tzatziki sauce and a squeeze of lemon (homemade). Round 2.
Dinner… I do not know. TBD. Its dinner with the girls, but we are all aware of each and every one of our own fitness and health goals.
Exercise: 60MIN Training session with the very talented, Jaime McFaden (you can follow her on instagram at @wheybj ).
Weigh in: 159LBs (I blame it on the cheesecake)

I can read your mind right now, “Self, this girl didn’t have ONE alcoholic drink in this week? She sits on a throne of lies!” You are wrong. I did not have a single adult beverage this week. After the holidays, like 90% of the world, I swore off alcohol for a bit, but unlike 75% of that 90% I have actually been able to hold true to it. No alcohol since Tuesday, January 1st, and its kind of fun so I want to see how long I can do this. Prediction: Until tomorrow when I got to try on wedding dresses and they hand me a glass of champagne. Does that even count?

The point I am trying to make is that I don’t sit at home drinking a bottle or two of wine, while eating Taco Bell and lounging with the adorable pups and my hot man. I actually eat pretty well, not perfect, drink a lot of water (nature’s beauty secret), and workout a ton (6 days of the 7, but who is counting?). So I am trying. Right now I am working this hard to keep status quo while I work through the witch potion my doctor has me on. Like I said before, the last time I saw her I had expressed concern that there had been no progress in my weight loss and was surprised when she responded that she didn’t expect me too yet. So I loosened the reigns on myself and cut myself some slack. I don’t want to take this time as an opportunity to lose the progress I have made, but I do want to take this time to not take life so seriously.

MIA BELLA LOTTA’S CALL TO ACTION: Take this next week to write down everything you do every day to make yourself feel better both inside and out. It does’t have to be a food log or a workout log like I did above. It can be just about what little changes you have made. Do you take the stairs instead of the elevator? Do you say hello to your mailman daily? Do you smile more? Do you floss more? What is the little change you can make or have made? Perhaps we should all try to adapt a new healthy habit a month? This month I have started with taking pressure off myself. What will you do?

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 159 LBS, Chest 36.5 (there was a typo from my last measurement), Under Boob 30, Belly Button 31.75, Below Hips 38, Largest Part of Butt 41.5.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Looking For a Place to Shine” by Clare Bowen

I jumped in, looking to make a wave,
I was working what the good Lord gave,
Baby, here I go, you’ll be praying for land
While I’m rocking the boat!
And I’m moving, come on and join in my parade,
I’ve been waiting for the rhythm to change,
Now the time has come,
So turn on the flames and turn up the sun!

No Legacy is Built on a Single Moment

January 4, 2019.Reading time 10 minutes.

Come on in, 2019. Welcome. Here, let me get your jacket. Can I get you something to drink?

I am majorly welcoming 2019 into my life. Not only because its the year that I get to marry my favorite person in this entire universe, but I am also welcoming this year because I feel really good about it and myself in general. I took some time the last couple of weeks of 2018 to really look into both the past and my potential future. I wanted to better understand where I had been in order for me to move forward. I am very proud of myself for finally taking the first step in making myself healthy and talking to a doctor about my fight with weight loss. As we all know, the first step in making a change is admitting you have a problem. I also feel my timing was perfect, to take the last half of 2018 to better understand my fight so that I could jump into 2019 kicking and screaming.

Right before the holiday I had another appointment with my doctor. It was a catch up to see how things were going before we got into the thick of holiday nonsense. I went in there with a major bad attitude because I hadn’t seen any progress in terms of weight loss. When I mentioned this to my doctor, she quickly replayed that she didn’t expect that to happen because that would be putting the “cart before the horse” (so to speak). I guess what I didn’t realize was that the first step was a hormone cleanse, and once we are able to see a shift in my test results, then we could work on the weight loss portion of our program.

I took this as a sign. It was a sign to take a step back, stop putting so much pressure on myself and let the process work. This was a big reason for my “break” over the holidays, which also came at a good time since I woke up the day after Christmas with the stomach flu. I guess we are all just one stomach flu away from our ideal weight, right? I did weight myself the day after I started to feel better, for no reason at all, but I didn’t gain any weight over the holiday (wahoo!), but then we went away to Canada and I came down with “all this food is delicious-itis” and I am pretty sure that weight loss went right out the window. I am only human.

After my meeting with my doctor and my time off I came up with one big resolution. In 2019 I am going to take the pressure off of myself. I have the fundamentals to win this fight, but first I need to be able to get my inners to match my goals.

Over the last 2years I have been stressed out in a huge way. My job became a lot more stressful with many of our projects shifted and began to not go the way we had expected them too and in the timeframe set out. With most jobs, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but I work with my family and there is a lot of added pressure there. Just as a spoiled child does, I didn’t handle things not going my way very well, and it stressed me the f-out. That was the beginning of the end. I started to take things professionally very personally. I internalized a lot of my stress not wanting to bring my stresses home with me because I didn’t want to add more stress to Kevin’s professional stress.

I was also stressed about my personal relationship. I am someone that needs forward momentum to know that they are doing a great job. There was no forward momentum in both my professional and personal life, and I felt stuck. So the stress built up, not knowing which way I needed to go to make myself feel better. This all resulted in me feeling pretty crappy about myself. Talk about a self-esteem bomb.

Then September 27th, 2018 I got the relationship promotion that I always wanted with Kevin. He proposed, and something about our relationship changed. He had been putting on this role to throw me off the engagement scent which made me think that getting married wasn’t on his radar. Think Chandler and Monica from Friends. Every time I brought up getting married he’d make a face or make a grunt noise that was not very becoming of him or our relationship. Man, did it chap my hide. Then after we got engaged I got to see what was really going on behind that scenes. That he had made a resolution last year that he would propose. Now, I see how truly in love and excited he is about our future. This lifted a huge weight of sadness and anxiety about our relationship off of my shoulders. It also made me fall more in love with Kevin knowing how excited he was/is about this next step for us. I didn’t think this was possible. Now the stress of my personal relationship has been replaced with the stress of planning a circus of a wedding, and I can’t wait to celebrate.

Knowing that I won’t be able to rid myself of all these moving pieces, I need to figure out how to handle my day-to-day stresses better. So this is where taking the pressure off of myself is going to take a front seat in this bus called 2019. I am going to have fun with the process of planning a wedding. I am going to try and not sweat the small stuff. I am going to learn better ways to handle the stresses of my professional life. I am going to take things one step at a time. I am going to not take things so personally that don’t need to be. I am going to speak up when I don’t believe in an action, instead of holding it inside. I am going to take a leading role in my professional life and not let others walk all over me because I am a female in a male driven world. I am going to believe in myself and remember my motto- A smart person surrounds herself with even smarter people. I know what my abilities are and I know my limitations. Knowing that, I will ask for help.

MIA BELLA LOTTA’S CALL FOR ACTION: I think its only appropriate to plead to my reader’s that they also ask for help and recognize their own limitations. Especially if you are a woman. 2018 was a big year for us bad ass females in taking a leadership role and grabbing the world by its metaphorical balls and saying “no more!”, but that can lead many of us to take on too much and get in over our heads because we don’t want to be looked down upon for not having the abilities. That only makes this fight worse. Being able to recognize our limitations means we are smart enough to ask for help and strong enough to admit our limitations. So here it is, what are your limitations and how do you overcome them?

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten

I might only have one match
But I can make an explosionAnd all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Cheers to 2018

December 14, 2018.Reading time 13 minutes.

In light of last weeks post about stress, I made the adult decision to take a couple weeks off from everything… so, sadly, this will be my last, official post for 2018 filled with witty commentary and clever puns. I will make sure to have a “Monthly Check In” next week, but expect only one little chuckle, not the usual belly laugh you get week to week.

With this being my last, I wanted to look back on the fight thus far. Even though its only been a couple months I do think that we have a come long way together. I also want to take a little time to talk about what my “Mia Bella Lotta Resolutions” are for 2019. No, this won’t be my personal goals or resolutions as I want to take the next 2 weeks to really figure out what I want for me and this fight. These “Mia Bella Lotta Resolutions” are for the “professional” portion of this fight. Haha, I realized I just used the word “professional” for a space where I figuratively get naked in front of you all each week.

So join me on a journey to the past, as we take a look back…

MIA BELLA LOTTA WAS BORN!

I guess a good place to start while I look back at 2018 is that Mia Bella Lotta was created this year. I made lemonade out of lemons. I stood on that scale this past August and my stomach did back flips and sank to the ground. I had hit rock bottom. Besides cry, and cry a lot, I had the sensation that all I wanted to do was run up to the roof of my building and scream for the world to hear. Seeing as the HOA strongly disagrees with my methods for stress relief, the next best thing was to write about it. I had a thought “who else feels like this?”

I think we live in a world of extremes. You see a great example every day in politics. Its the two sides, the far right and the far left, that are constantly in the media, fighting to control politics, but you have those of us in the middle, the moderates, just running around in circles trying to be heard. I feel the same is found in the weight loss and health community. You have the fitness models and trainers who’s health is on point. Then, on the other hand, you have those that strongly put themselves out there with a long journey ahead of them. I want to be PC about this because I don’t want to look like I am making fun or bullying anyone. I respect both sides because they are doing something to better themselves and not being lazy about their health and wellness. There was a whole world of people that aren’t really represented here and its where I tried to fit in- the middle, the moderate health and weight loss seekers. I have dubbed thee the “Everyday Girl” when it comes to health and weight loss. I am not obese, but I am still not happy with where I am. I am not lazy, but I am also not a crazy, health fanatic. I am just your average, everyday girl that has some issues she needs to work out…. and I think I am massaging out the rough edges and will continue to build on this concept in 2019.

GOODBYE {SOME} WEIGHT AND INCHES.

Isn’t that what we are here for? I can’t lose sight of the fact that, even with so much fight against me, I have been able to lose SOME weight. As of my last Monthly Check-In I was surrounded by the number 5. Thats 5LBs and 5 inches I’ve lost. Thats about 10LBs and a handful of inches away from where I wanted to be, but its still something. I can’t let that go. I have to focus on the positive. I have a couple factors working against me right now, as I discussed last week with stress being the most prevalent, but I have still been able to (literally) inch away less of me. So… Yay! Celebrations! But don’t worry, I will stay grounded and won’t let my head get too big.

FIGURED OUT A ROOT ISSUE.

I always wondered why it was so hard for me to lose weight, no matter what I tried. I would put my heart and soul into something, and, yes, sometimes I would get cocky and lose sight of the goal, but many times I also just felt like maybe my efforts weren’t good enough. I knew that I had it in me to lose 10-20LBs because I had some success in the past, but why not now? What changed? Me, thats what.

This year I took the necessary steps forward to figure out what might be going on inside me. Sometimes we have to look under the hood to see if all the engine parts are running smoothly. What we found is that some of the inputs and outputs are out of wack which is causing stress on my body and that results in my body setting itself to “fight or flight” instead of normal. Was it a relief to know that my efforts weren’t done in vain? Absolutely. Was there a clear and fast solution? Nope. This I will discuss in a later post about my 2019 Personal Resolutions. Just know that I am trying to learn as much as possible about how someone in my situation functions AND how I PERSONALLY function and handle everyday stresses from work, wedding, social demands, etc. I have the rest of my life to figure this out, with no deadlines needed, so I might as well learn everything I possibly can, right?

Now lets take a PROFESSIONAL Look Forward to 2019…

MIA BELLA LOTTA’S HOME

I will not just be taking these 2 weeks off to spend time with my family and friends for the holiday, but I also want to work on upgrading this entire thing. I am a true novice when it comes to technology, websites, and such. Ask my old business partner. He says that when I am in a room with an electronic, the electronic breaks. So I started off very beginner with the “look and feel” of Mia Bella Lotta. My plan is, when Kevin and I go on our NYE adventure in a couple weeks, while he is skiing the slopes in Canada I am going to cozy up in front of the fireplace with my laptop and get to work on Mia Bella Lotta 2.0, Mia Bella Lotta Alpha. I have no idea what any of this means, but we will see what happens in 2019!

MIA BELLA LOTTA ON SOCIAL MEDIA

I made a goal for the end of 2018 to have 500 followers on Instagram. That may not sound like a lot to you, but I haven’t been very active on it. I need to step up Mia Bella Lotta’s social media game. If I make Mia Bella Lotta a priority, then I am also making my health and wellness fight a priority. See how that works out? So I will post more. I will let you all in more on my daily life and struggles in this fight. Its not enough to just give you a weekly glimpse with the written word, but I want to visually show you the punches and falls I make and take. Come on in. Take a look around. Open some personal drawers. The water is warm(ish).

In conclusion of 2018…

This year I talked about my fight, and you joined me. We talked about my feeling of solitude, and you lifted me up and joined my Girl Gang. We talked about the importance of not playing the game of social media and let your friends in on your everyday life, and you did! We discussed travel and its pitfalls, and I made some baby steps to improve that! We asked family to stop hiding our failures and let us know about them in a gentle way, and my Mom is STILL working on the gentle part. We discussed taking some responsibilities off our dance card and you should see my open January! I have not thrown away that little black dress, but I did burn those fat sweats… so, baby steps. I fell down and got back up. I hugged my friends and did an inventory of who is supporting me. But most importantly I felt love. So thank you.

MIA BELLA LOTTA’S CALL TO ACTION: Cheers my friends. Cheers to you and all you’ve accomplished this year. I, for one, am darn proud of you. So have fun with your family and friends, and make smart choices this holiday season. Hug your family. Tell your friends how much they mean to you. Tell the person you love that you love them everyday… then sit back and cheers.

I’ll see you next year.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 157.8 LBS, Chest 31.75, Under Boob 30, Belly Button 32, Below Hips 38, Largest Part of Butt 41.5.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Spell” by Marie Digby

A spotlight’s shining brightly
On my face
And I can’t see a thing
And yet I feel you, looking my way

An empty stage
With nothing but this girl
Who’s singing this simple melody
And wearing her heart on her sleeve

*Photo by Katie Mick Photography

https://www.katiemickphotography.com/

Jesus Take the Wheel

December 7, 2018.Reading time 14 minutes.

I don’t even know how or where to begin this post because its just so damn complicated. Crazy that I don’t have a clever opener here, right? Thats how confused I am. Let me give you a visual- I am like a puppy running in a circle around it’s self chasing its own tail. Its funny because that is also exactly how I felt right after we got engaged. I was so excited but I didn’t know where to start. This time I also don’t know where to start but I am not necessarily excited.

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been eluding to some test I had done and some results I was trying to make sense of. I consider myself a pretty smart person. I’ve overcome some of my own personal odds to do some pretty remarkable things (at least to myself). Yet here I am just not getting it. I was initially hoping the doctor would give me the easy answer like, “Yep its your thyroid” while she throws a bunch of magical pills at me. Then the following week I’d be steadily starting to shed unwanted weight. Nope, not that easy.

Yes, my thyroid test did come back a little erotic when looked at over the last 3 years, but that is something that we are going to continue to monitor over the next couple months. So for our sakes, lets just put a pin in it for now. The biggie of the blood and “dry urine test”(there’s a visual) were my cortisone and my cortisol levels. They were off the charts. No, I am not using that as a turn of phrase, but 0 literally there was a chart and I was not on it for 1 -2 of my 4 check ins throughout one day. So in a nut shell, my body is in a constant state of “fight or flight” holding on to every calorie it can because it thinks I am about to go to battle with no food to consume. Silly body.

This may seem like a really dumb statement, but I never really equated that how I felt emotionally could actually be related to how my body felt and reacted inside, resulting in producing some sort of chemical reaction and throwing my body’s normal course of business into Black Friday mode. The 2 didn’t connect in my head. I had separated emotional reactions and body reactions. Let me explain this a little further. If I was sad it was because of an emotion. If my stomach hurt after eating it was because I overate. I didn’t realize that because of the emotional sadness I could put stress on my body and when I ate a certain food my body may not be equipped to handle it because my body was too busy taking care of the emotional stress part. Again, you may be saying “DUH LAURA!” but this didn’t occur to me until these last couple weeks. Its like a light bulb went off. I am still not sure what I need to do with the light at the moment, but I am trying to figure that out.

I saw a very good example just this week about how a body can react under stress. Here is a real life situation comin’ at you… Part of my daily diet process is that I weigh myself every morning when I first wake up. I’v been doing since we met. When I started, I was doing this because it gives you a good read on how the foods you ate yesterday reacted with your body. So Thursday AM I wake up and weigh myself. I clock in at 157.6LBs. I think “This is great news! I am on track for my weekly weigh in tomorrow!” Celebrations and confetti get ready! Thursday goes like this: Weekly status meeting at work that I run. They can be stressful especially when you work with your family. At the conclusion of the weekly status meeting, I then quickly tried to get myself together for next week knowing that I won’t be in the office on Friday since we are leaving town for the weekend. I tie up some loose ends and write some nasty emails that really get my blood boiling, but its all apart of the job, right? After work I workout. Then I ran around the City trying to get some last minute errands done to get the house ready for the Dogsitter. Get home, take care of the dogs, make dinner, eat dinner, take shower, clean up house, sit down and read a little, then go to bed. My food for yesterday was my usual protein shake in the AM, homemade chili for lunch (which I have been eating all week) and a fish “taco salad” for dinner. Yes, I ate dinner a little bit later than I like to , but I needed some fuel after my workout. I also drank a hell of a lot of water yesterday, around 120oz. Wake up Friday AM bright and early to start my day with a good weigh in and measurements. Step on the scale excited to see some movement. I am sure you all know where I am going with this… 158.2LBs. Yep, I didn’t overeat and when I did eat I ate pretty clean, drank water, worked out, and still gained .6LBs.

As I reflect on my day what was so different? Well, its the meetings, the rushing to get things wrapped up for the week and ready for next week, the constant list of things that need to be done before we leave and never once did I sit down and take a deep breath. The only relaxing part of my Thursday was that at 10PM I sat down to read a little more of my book. 10PM!

I used to joke that I lost more weight when I was eating Taco Bell every weekend and going out drinking with my friends. But maybe it wasn’t what I was putting into my body, but more how my body felt. That was during a time when I had a lot less stresses in my life. Also, when I was studying for the California State Bar I really thought it would be a good 12 week period of weight loss since I was working out about 5-6 days a week and not drinking. Nope. I can’t remember how much weight I gained, but I remember being very disappointed at the end of the 12 week period. At the time I blamed emotional eating, but I guess now we know the culprit.

I am not going into too much detail behind the science of how stress and weight loss interact because I still have a lot of information to manage through and a lot of conversations to be had. I more wanted to introduce the concept to you guys as I think this may become a major theme in upcoming posts.

My doctor did caution me that that I should not make any major lifestyle changes when it comes to my diet and exercise at this time. Especially seeing as the holidays are coming up and any drastic change may just cause more stress. I did do some “extra credit” by grabbing a book to help explain the relationship between stress and our bodies. Its a good read and does a pretty good job of explaining something very technical and medical to us “laymen”, but I am still confused as all hell. Maybe that is why my doctor told me to sit back for a little and just take a daily regimen of holistic, witchcraft vitamins through the holidays while also trying to find daily tweaks to my routine to calm the fuck down. Huh! Good luck telling that to a woman with a self proclaimed PhD in planning and filling up the social calendar.

Now that I have seen this happen in real time with the .6LBs weight gain in a 24 hour period of solid work, I will admit that there are some little tweaks that need to be made to my daily routine. So far, at the request of my doctor, I have hired a wedding planner, at least an hour before I go to bed at night I take away all technology and screens so that my body can start to make its way into sleep mode, and I am currently trying to get myself to take 5 minutes before I start my work day to meditate. This one has been quite difficult because I am someone who just wants to get started on things once she walks through the office doors. Also, its really funny to explain to your old school, Italian uncles that you need 5 minutes to meditate then she will get on that phone call. This is just something that needs to be done, and maybe its not meditating but something else that I can find to do daily that will help me to relax a little more.

Mia Bella Lotta’s Call to Action: What is that small, yet significant change that you can make in your life to slow down and relax? I always said I would do anything to get some weight loss going. I even “joked” that if I couldn’t get a leg up I was going to turn to some more extreme medical intervention. So if I was going to spend a butt ton of money on medical intervention why not actually do something free, daily that helps? I get it, we are the generation of instant gratification, but this is a little ridiculous. So lets all slow down and find what brings us a little inner peace so that maybe we can just make it on to the chart next time.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.2 LBS, Chest 36.5, Under Boob 30, Belly Button 32, Below Hips 38, Largest Part of Butt 41.5.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “That’s the Way” by Jo Dee Messina

Well I know from experience
Nothin’s ever gonna make perfect sense
Oh, one day you get what you want
But it’s not what you think
Then you get what you needWell, oh, that’s the way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
That’s the way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows
You live you learn
You crash and burn
It’s hit or miss
And that’s the way it isYeah they say your soul is growin’
But sometimes I feel like throwin’ somethin’

My Apology

October 19, 2018.Reading time 8 minutes.

I had an entire blog post set up and ready to go, but I had to scrap it. I crinkled up that piece of paper and threw it into the trash of other scrapped rants. Not going to lie, but I am a little frustrated at the moment, with hints of despair. Right now I feel like I have not only let myself down, but let some of you down. The feeling of letting a friend down is so much worse than just having myself to live up to. This 2nd blogiversary did not end like I wanted it to end. Last week things were looking on track. I was dusting off the ol’ gold star stickers from elementary school, but I might have put the cart before the horse and got too cocky. Here I was all ready to post about fruit, vegetables, and eating in moderation, when just until recently I wasn’t doing anything in moderation. I guess its true….Those that can’t, teach, or blog.

This is a new feeling- the feeling of letting others down. I am trying to make myself an inspiration to others that feel the same way as I do, and I screwed it up. I don’t like to disappoint, but what I lack in self control I make up for in backbone. I will always be the first to admit when I did something wrong and apologize. So, here it is- My Apology.

I am sorry.

Plain and simple. Three short words that are packed with so much meaning. I also know you can’t just say “I am sorry” without knowing what you did that was wrong. In light of that…

I am sorry for getting cocky which resulted with me getting clumsy with my fight. As I’ve said before, I am a planner who plans to plan. So there was, and is, a plan to come out of this fight with a big “W” and all of the gold star stickers…

MY “KICK WEIGHT LOSS IN THE ASS” PLAN

Upon wake up weigh yourself to help reflect the events of the previous day;
Drink 16 oz of water before you put anything else in your body;
Drink at least 100 oz of water in one day;
Track anything and everything you put in your mouth for consumption;
Carbs are your Brunch Buddies, but avoid carbs like your friend who gets sloppy drunk around sunset;
Drink a glass of water when you find yourself hungry to make sure you really are in fact hungry;
Workout. Like a lot. And hard. Make it count; and
Drink alcohol only one night/time/event a week, but stay away from wine (too much sugar- makes me bloat).

And done. Easy peasy. As the time went on, I started to see a pound here and there each week shed off. Then, BAM. I got derailed from my perfectly put together plan. Little by little instead of the pounds, my plan started to shed. As of this last Monday I had gained 5 LBS from Friday, drank two days that weekend, didn’t track my food consumption from the weekend, ate carbs after lunch, and snacked without drinking my water. So there it is. My stumble. I Paula Abdul’d this diet and took three steps forward and two step back.

Another thing that is very discouraging is knowing how hard I worked physically this month and knowing that this may be how hard I’ll have to work for the rest of my life to NOT gain weight. And listen to me carefully here. I am not saying that’s how hard I’ll have to work to LOSE weight, but rather how hard I’ll probably have to work to NOT GAIN weight. Makes me want to beat up the spokesperson for Walk Shop who always says “walk 10,000 steps a day for the rest of your life and never gain a pound.” Lies! You sit on a throne of lies!

Right now I am at an important crossroad in this beautiful fight. I have two weekends away in a row starting today. This is going to be a big test for me and my commitment to myself. Do I drown further in this misery or do I pick myself up, dust myself off, grab my tracking book and 30 oz water bottle, and get this shit back on track? I don’t consider myself one to really just give up so easily……So “Shit Back on Track” option it is.

I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. There are going to be setbacks. I am not perfect. You are not perfect. We have to all recognize that. If it was easy, this wouldn’t be a fight and everyone would have the body of Khloe Kardashian post Lamar Odom break up. This isn’t for the weak, this is a fight for the strong. I will be strong even when I get punched. Will you?

I will end, as I always end my weekly posts, with a call to action, but this time this call to action is for me. Self, you will not give up on this fight. You are going to drink that 100 oz of water and get back into the ring and kick this weight loss’ butt. Now.

And thank God I see the thyroid doctor on Monday.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.4 LBS, Chest 36.75, Under Boob 30, Belly Button 32.5, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 41.75.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “You’ll Be Okay” by Great Big World

You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
The sun will rise
To better days

And change will come
It’s on it’s way
Just close your eyes
And let it rain

‘Cause you’re never alone
And I will always be there
You just carry on
You will understand

You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
Just look inside
You know the way

Let it go
Fly away
And say goodbye
To yesterday

John Mayer Was Right

October 12, 2018.Reading time 12 minutes.

Spoiler alert…. It may not be entirely your fault that you can’t lose weight. Say what? Okay, John Mayer never said that, but he did say that “your body is a wonderland” and gosh darn it he is right. It is.

If you are having trouble losing weight it may not be entirely because you are doing it wrong, or your efforts aren’t the right efforts, or that low calorie diet isn’t the right diet. It’s crazy to think that a diet could be wrong, right? Isn’t that why its called a diet? Because you are on a special course of food to which you restrict yourself? We are living in a time where there are dozens, maybe even hundreds, of different diets- Low Carb, Keto, Atkins, WeightWatchers, Jenny Craig, Mediterranean, Paleo, Whole30, Nutrisystem, Wedding Diet (nothing like a diet based solely on financial stress, haha)… the list goes on and on. Yet there is a chance that if you are exercising, eating healthy, drinking water, and getting a good amount of sleep you would still be in for the disappointment of not effectively losing weight. That is just craziness.

Before I dive head first into this topic I would like to slide into your DMs for a moment and remind everyone that I am not a nutritionist since I believe that Taco Bell is an actual food group. I am also not a fitness expert, although I hang with one, but that is for another day and another time. Last, I am no doctor. Well actually that is technically a lie. I am a doctor, just not that kind of doctor. Lets just say if the law needed to lose weight in a healthy way, I am that doctor. Okay, went off on a tangent there, but I am telling you this because I don’t want you to take anything in today’s post as the Bible. For the first time I am actually going to try and do a little light “research” on this issue and wet your metaphorical palette with some knowledge grenades. Then maybe from my 30,000 foot view on the issue, it will motivate you to dig a little deeper and actually talk to someone who is a doctor and/or expert in this field. Just make sure its a medical doctor, not a law doctor.

When I first started this this fight I had a tremendous outpouring of well wishes and support from friends and family. As I have said before I received a ton of texts, messages, and even a couple drunk phone calls from girlfriends expressing their love for me. Among these messages of support, I also received a couple asking if I had ever had by thyroid checked. This wasn’t really news to me as I’ve heard others talk about this issue before, but I truly thought that this issue was reserved for someone with far more weight to lose. The moment where it really sunk in that a thyroid issue can happen to anyone is when an old friend of mine, Felice, texted me to send me over some information. If I can paint you a quick mental portrait of Felice- she is dark haired beauty of a slender woman who, when I met her in Los Angeles years ago, was writing the witty and smart intros to those Netflix DVDs we used to all receive in the mail, but has now grown to be a full on writer. The key word here is “slender” meaning that she didn’t need to lose a freakin’ ounce of weight, and she will wholeheartedly admit to that. Felice had other issues that were controlled by her thyroid- sleep. So I started to do some digging…

Oh, thyroid gland. The turtleneck to your throat. The inside winter scarf to our necks. This bugger can cause all sorts of issues. Through the hormones our thyroid produces it is the social influencer of a majority of our bodies metabolic processes. It is the Bachelor contestants of the Fab Fit Fun box, where for some of us what is in that box is just the right amount of hormones our body needs to function effectively and the way its suppose to. On the other hand some might have been dealt a Fab Fit Fun Box of the throat that contains a bunch of ineffective amounts and types of hormones causing the exact opposite effect, and to be on point with this blog, lack of weight loss. Okay, thats enough science today. I can already hear you all calling me a nerd and moving on.

The point is, maybe my current frustrations with my lack of weight loss isn’t entirely because of me and the efforts I am putting into it. It could be something that is currently completely out of my control, and, as many people know I hate the idea of being unable to control something. Thats why I don’t appreciate the ocean or flying. I am not in control of what happens once I am Snoopy Floating in the ocean or leavin’ on a jet plane- since I don’t know if I’ll actually be back again. Thus, after some discussion with Felice, I decided to reach out to my doctor about this possible thyroid issue. Frankly, I was about 6 months away from turning to modern medical procedures and have the lot of it sucked the f out. Okay, maybe I am being dramatic, but you get the point. I had literally hit rock bottom. If there was an avenue for me to explore to help on this fight, you best believe I was going to run down it.

Here is something else I was warned about, many of your everyday doctors won’t look into thyroid issues. If your one thyroid test comes back normal, that is where the doctor will stop. Look, I don’t want to tell doctors how to do their jobs, but I can tell you if a client came in with a legal issue and I only looked at it from one angle I would be committing my own form of legal malpractice. But again, they have a couple more years of schooling on me. So my doctor told me, point blank, no to any further testing and instead set me up with an appointment with a nutritionist. Girl, bye. I’ve got one of those already. My doc figured that since my one test result looked fine, nothing more was needed. Take that AM donut out of your diet, mission accomplished. But she was ignoring the fact that my mom has a thyroid issue, which I can’t entirely blame since its not a hereditary thyroid issue.

Do not think that is where I stopped. I am one stubborn Italian. I jumped on my computer and went, wait for it, out of my health insurance network and tried to find someone who would listen and would help on this fight with me. After an initial phone call with a doctor, I was informed that it very well could be my adrenal gland, my thyroid gland, any gland that is responsible for our hormones, that is causing this uphill fight. Also, yes, many doctors fail to take it the next step when their patient only has about 10-30 LBS to lose because they just consider it lack of trying or effort. I don’t know why there is this push back from many western doctors, but I am going to move forward and look into my thyroid even if it costs me a few Lincolns.

So Ladies and Gentlemen, here is my call to action for all of you. I currently have a follow up appointment to get started with testing my variety of glands and what nots to see if this is possibly not entirely all about the efforts I am putting forward, but could also be something that I am not entirely in control of. Since I hate not being in control I am going to take the control back. If you are relating to this fight because you have your own weight loss issues and frustrations- Get on that computer and find a doctor or a nurse practitioner who will help you take that extra step. Jump on the Google machine and make some phone calls. I want us all to be in control of our weight loss fight.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 156.8LBS, Chest 36.75, Under Boob 30.25, Belly Button 32.75, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 41.75.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake

Don’t be so quick to walk away (Dance with me)
I wanna rock your body, please stay (Dance with me)
You don’t have to admit you wanna play (Dance with me)
Just let me rock you till the break of day (Dance with me)

Little Black Dress

October 5, 2018.Reading time 10 minutes.

That Little Black Dress. Beautifully crafted with fabric that transformed into ribbon that had been strategically wrapped around me. It hugs every curve like the dress was made for me and only me. I wore it to Barrister’s Ball during my second year of law school. I wore that dress with such confidence, and felt damn sexy in it. And why would’t I? Law school had such a negative effect on me in so many different ways except maybe one- I lost so much weight. All that stress, heavy book lifting, multiple highlighter arm curls, getting my steps in as I paced the Law Library, and running up and down the stairs of my law school’s high rise building really paid off. I had also stopped working out entirely for the first two years because there was absolutely no time for working out. I figured if I had time to workout, then I had time to read and study instead. Screw the low carb diet, try the law school diet.

We all have that one article of clothing. It could be my Little Black Dress, skinny jeans, or a tube top (they are bound to come back into style one of these days). It doesn’t matter what it is but we all have one- the “I Will One Day Fit Into It Again So It Will Hang In My Closet Until The Day I Die And They Have To Pry That Sucker Out Of My Cold Dead Fingers” article of clothing. Its the article of clothing that we leave in our closet hoping to one day fit into again. Its our benchmarker for when we will finally be satisfied with our weight and/or size.

On the other hand, some of us have the exact opposite article of clothing- our Fat Sweats. You know the ones… the ones that you literally have to wash before you can even put them on because they’ve been rolled into a ball in the back of one of your drawers. Its probably not even in your pjs/sweats’ drawer. Its probably rolled into the back of your unmentionables’ drawer for safe keeping. My old-roommate, Shannon, and I had a very fond name for this “fat” outfit. It was our “Football Uniform” because the accompanying shirt was usually the same heather gray as the sweats. It was our secret (well I guess not so secret anymore, sorry Shan) that if we ever wore this outfit in front of a significant other then we felt that person was “our person” and could be trusted to look past the Football Uniform and at the beautiful butterfly inside it. My Fiancé (ahh love saying that), Kevin, calls this outfit my “Golden Gate Griffin Grays” and witnessed this piece of fashion forward art around date number two as I raced for the door to meet Comcast one morning. I, once again, digress.

The point I am making is that we have these various articles of clothing in our possession and I don’t think either of them are doing any of us any favors as we journey on our fight for healthy weight loss. On one hand you have the Little Black Dress. I wore that dress almost TEN years ago. I was in my mid 20s. I don’t have any business trying to look like I did when I was in my mid 20s as I try and own my mid 30s. We have all created this unrealistic expectation that we can travel back in time, defying gravity, and flip our no longer nimble bodies into the Little Black Dress, sashaying in public while heads whip so fast to check out the hot babe that necks literally break. I’m sorry, but it ain’t gonna happen.

We need a new Little Black Dress or a new metaphor. We need to stop trying to move backwards, and instead move forward to a new, healthy goal that works for your mid 30s arthritic toe’d body. I workout more today than I ever have. Before I left for my last trip I literally googled gyms in the area of my hotel in New York. WHO IS THIS PERSON? As I packed for our trip I ran my fingers across that Little Black Dress. THE Little Black Dress, and thought “hmmm I wonder if I should bring it?” WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I DO THAT TO MYSELF WHEN I HAVE COME THIS FAR! So I passed on it and moved on to dresses I bought in this decade instead. I moved to dresses I bought for 30’s Laura, and when I got home I made the decision that I am going to throw the dress out! Okay, well not actually throw it out. That was more of a visual for you all. I am not a monster. Let me try that again.. and when I got home I requested that ThredUp send me another discard bag and I’ll wait for that bag for about 3-4 weeks and once I receive that bag I will lovingly fold that dress up and place it in the bag which will sit in the corner of my apartment until I have filled that bag and THEN I will put the UPS label on the bag and send it off for someone else to wear and feel like the dress was made for them. And breath. Phew.

Now to the Football Uniform or the Golden Gate Griffin Grays- whatever you may call it in your house. Yep, I see you cowering in the corner. Get out here. See the daylight for the first time in months. You’ve got to go. I know its unfair because we all want to have a “fat” night, but why do we want to have an article of clothing we can wear when we are fat? If you can’t get on this journey for the sake of yourself then do it for your wallet. Throw those fat sweats out and tell yourself “Self, you can’t gain weight because we can’t afford to buy new clothes. End of discussion.”

Now if you lose so much weight that new clothes are a necessity, well then its time to celebrate and please don’t forget to call me to go shopping with you! Who am I kidding? I haven’t stepped into a brick and mortar clothing store in years….. Oh, and the Football Uniform does not go into the ThredUp bag. They do not take articles of clothing with holes in them. Those go into the trash. Now.

Okay, its that time. Its time for a call for action. Walk your hot, curvy butt into your room and grab your Little Black Dress and Football Uniform. Little Black Dress, donate or sell yourself (Might I recommend ThredUp, Poshmark, or eBay?). Football Uniform, burn.

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.4LBS, Chest 37, Under Boob 30.25, Belly Button 33, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 42.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Going Out In Style” by Kellie Pickler

When my time comes to an end
Don’t be sad
Don’t you shed one tear
Take me back to the place
I love the most
All my best memories were made
In my time here

Don’t be sad or broken hearted
Spread my ashes in the shoe department
Everybody knows that’s where I want be
Jimmy choo choo, saks fifth avenue
For all eternity smells like heaven to me

I’m Just a Girl Who Can’t Say No

September 21, 2018.Reading time 10 minutes.

Its true. I am a girl who just can’t say no when it comes to any activity that involves hanging out with her friends. #Truth.

I am always planning. I am a planner that makes plans to plan. My boyfriend jokes that I even plan to not have plans, and evidently thats not the way it works. I think the root cause of my friendship addiction is that my friends are all very important to me. Are there meetings for people addicted to friends? I am guessing putting together a group of people that are addicted to their friends would just cause more friendships and the cycle would never break! They would have to be private sessions to talk about your addiction. Which would just be therapy, and that shit is expensive. START A BLOG! CHEAPER. Problem solved. Clearly the ADHD is in full swing today…

I have been lucky enough to have many chapters written in my book of life, and throughout these chapters many friendships have developed. I have friends from my childhood, high school, college, law school, through my boyfriend’s group of friends, and now from the adult chapter of Laura. I am even still, to this day, best friends with my first friend ever. No not my brother, did you not read my last post? Katie. We have matching tattoos. I was the maid of honor in her wedding. I am the Godmother to her children. She is the Dogmother to my dogs. That is true friendship and dedication.

I try very hard to avoid being THAT PERSON who forgets about someone just because I grow older and meet new people, because each and every one of my friends has made a significant impact on who I have become. On the other hand, this makes it very tricky. How do you make sure each and every one of your friends feel that they are important and special? They’ve made me feel special by always including me. I have been a bridesmaid 13 times…. 13! I have been to countless weddings that have taken all my leftover income. I throw my money at here. Here take it all! I have traveled to the ends of the globe to witness friends and family marry the love of their life. At the end of the day, I feel very special and loved.

We all have different types of friends and the relationships that come along with them. I have some friends I can go months without seeing and we pick up right where we stopped the last time. My best friends from high school and I meet up every couple months now that we have moved to different parts of the Bay Area (and Los Angeles). We can talk for hours. No alcohol required. As soon as we all sit in our circle with our snacks and/or baked goods (expertly baked to perfection by my girlfriend Kelly #shouldhavebeenabaker) the faucet of chatter and gossip turns on and its hard to turn off. There’s no pressure past that. We text constantly. We check in on each other. We are there for all the ups and downs no questions asked, but no nothing more is needed. I love that about us.

Then on the other side I have some friends that rightfully want and need more. That is where the pressure and anxiety of “am I doing enough to cultivate this relationship???” starts to build. Its been a balancing act to make sure that I am able to see as many of these friend as possible and as often as possible, while making each and every visit significant and meaningful. I am literally spinning plates on small sticks making sure that each continues to turn at the same rate, but I feel like I am failing hardcore.

Cut to today. Bottomline is I am in this fight to better myself and feel better about myself. I am cultivating this friendship with myself. This fight mixed with this balancing act do not mix well. Although you’d think I would be burning plenty of calories and building quite a 6-pack performing this act, it always comes with a side of cocktails, wine, champagne, fantastic restaurants, comedy shows, sports games… the list goes on and on. I am 35 and I don’t have any kids, so I can constantly fill my dance card with the latest and greatest with my friends. Yet with this ever growing list of social events to go to, so goes the growth of my waist line. It has to stop. I work so hard Sunday night through Friday afternoon, that as soon as Friday night comes I throw it out the window. I will repeat to myself- water, little booze, veggies and protein only- then someone orders the mini sliders and then its downhill from there. I wake up in the AM and BAM, the 2 LBS I lost that week have vanished within hours. Insert gut punch.

So here we go…

Dear Friend,

First, let me tell you that you look great. Did you do something different with your hair? Whatever you are doing it is WORKING. Keep it up. Sorry your beauty distracted me for a moment. Let me get to the point…

It is with a heavy heart I must tell you that I won’t be able to join you at * INSERT AWESOME EVENT THAT WILL JUSTIFIABLY GIVE ME MAJOR FOMO ALL WEEKEND HERE * this weekend. Although I want to with all my heart, soul, and size 8-10 pants, I cannot. Its time for me to become incredibly more selfish (just when you thought I couldn’t get more selfish, I turn around and shock ya, huh?). I need to spend some time with my very best friend- myself. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I do enjoy every minute we spend together, but I do not enjoy the post-hangout blues that are sure to follow. Yes, I know you will say that we don’t have to drink adult-only cocktails or even eat unhealthy (or even eat at all, great diet, huh?), but I want you to know that I do not yet have the strength to do so. Once I do find it, don’t worry you are number 1 on my list of people to see.

Wait, wait, wait. Before you go. This doesn’t mean we can’t talk or text. I am here for you just as I hope you are here for me and support me while I figure this out.

X O X O – Struggling w/ the Spinning Plates Girl

P.S. I’m really digging myself into a hole here, because this is going to be the ONE post my boyfriend reads and will use against me for the next events I plan… but maybe thats a good thing?

WEIGH IN/MEASUREMENTS: 158.8LBS, Chest 37, Under Boob 30.25, Belly Button 33, Below Hips 38.5, Largest Part of Butt 42.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Dear Prudence” by the Beatles

Dear Prudence, won’t you come out to play
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It’s beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won’t you come out to play

Dear Prudence open up your eyes
Dear Prudence see the sunny skies
The wind is low the birds will sing
That you are part of everything
Dear Prudence won’t you open up your eyes?